


Friends in Dark Places

by ilovemygaydad



Series: Friends in Dark Places [1]
Category: Sander Sides, Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: (kinda), M/M, Slow Burn, high school!au, human!AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-01-05 08:27:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 36,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12186492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovemygaydad/pseuds/ilovemygaydad
Summary: After struggling with suicidal ideation and loneliness for years, a teen decides it’s time for it all to end… that is, until someone tries to save him.Warnings: self harm mentions, depression mentions, panic attacks, suicide mentions and attempts, blood mentions, hospitals, needle mentions, food mentions





	1. Teaser

**Author's Note:**

> I am finally transferring my works to AO3 for easier accessibility for you guys and so I don't have to fuck around with changing every single link when I change my urls!

He was done. Just… Done with the world. He was sick of having no friends, having to eat lunch in the discarded janitor’s closet that was filled with cobwebs and dust, since nobody wanted him to sit at their table, being so much of a loner the teachers had given up on trying to get him to join groups for projects and just let him do them alone. He had nobody to talk to, nobody to console with. He was that weird kid who wore all black and almost constantly had headphones on.

His family didn’t even care about him. Dad was out of the country most of the time and mom was just… not there. He didn’t really ask, just took care of himself and buying groceries with the credit card his dad had given him for when he was home alone.

He had kept up a normal face for over two years, but he just couldn’t do it anymore. Why should he act if nobody was paying attention to him anyway. Nobody would miss him, nobody would grieve his death. That’s how Virgil ended up standing on the railing of a bridge, the river far below him, on the night of his 17th birthday, contemplating when to jump. His thoughts were going so fast he didn’t realize someone had walked up behind him.

“Um… Hello? Please don’t jump…” a voice behind Virgil said softly. Virgil whipped around, provably far faster than he should, and glared at the stranger.

“What are you doing here?!” Virgil growled. The stranger was dressed very cleanly, with a pair of nice jeans, a light grey cardigan, and a light blue polo shirt. Their hair was combed back neatly and they had a pair of glasses perched on their nose.

“Um, I, uh, was just walking by and happened to see you here. I don’t want you to jump,” the stranger responded. Virgil stared. This person didn’t even know him, had no idea if he was dangerous or what he was like, and yet stopped and was trying to persuade him not to jump off of a bridge.

“Look,” Virgil snapped. “You have no idea who I am, and I have no idea who you are. You don’t know my intentions, so just go away and leave me here alone.” He was being harsh, that was sure, but he didn’t want this stranger to stick around and talk him back off of the ledge. He was here and he was going to make sure he was going through with this.

And then the stranger began to cry. Like, bawling. Just standing in the middle of the sidewalk at almost midnight crying while an emo kid with intense suicidal ideation was standing on the edge of death.

“What are you doing? Stop that. You’re causing a raucous! People are going to start trying to find out what’s happening can you— Fucking hell.” Virgil jumped off of the ledge, fully intending to get back on after this stranger had left. “Look. I’m off the ledge. Just stop fucking crying.” The stranger looked up and gave him a look that conveyed both extreme sadness and anger.

“Promise that you won’t jump off the bridge.” The stranger’s voice cut through the silence like a knife.

“Yeah, whatever. I won’t jump off.” Virgil gave a dramatic eye roll and crossed his arms. Hopefully the stranger would take that as being good enough and just leave already.

“I said to promise me!” The stranger was nearly yelling now, face stern.

“I—What? Listen—“ Virgil was cut off swiftly.

“Promise me! Promise me that you won’t kill yourself tonight! I don’t care what your reasoning is for doing this, but it’s not good enough! Promise me or I’m going to call the cops and tell them you’re trying to commit suicide, and I know you don’t want the authorities involved.” Virgil took a step back, shocked at the intensity of the stranger’s voice. Nobody had ever cared so much about him, not even his past friends. The stranger whipped out their phone to show how serious they were. Virgil began to panic, both from the strange feelings and from the stress of the situation.

“I, okay, I promise I won’t kill myself tonight just please put the phone down. Please, don’t call the police. I promise I won’t do anything.” All he could hear at this point was his heartbeat in his ears, pounding faster and faster with each second. His breathing was coming at a probably unhealthy speed and he could feel himself shaking.

He barely processed when the stranger put the phone to their ear and called someone. Virgil reached out to stop them but only made it about a foot before he fainted into the stranger’s arms.


	2. Chapter 1

Virgil rubbed his eyes harshly, not caring about smearing his makeup. He slowly opened his eyes and caught sight of a person at the end of the bed he was laying in.

 

“What the _FUCK_?!” Virgil yelled, scrambling out of the bed, which he didn’t recognize, and as far from the person he could get. The stranger looked familiar, but he couldn’t quite place where he’d seen them before. His thoughts and memories were all jumbled from sleepiness and pulling one distinct face was nearly impossible.

 

“Phew! For a little while there I didn’t think you were going to wake up. Do you remember what happened last night, kiddo?” Virgil’s memories of the previous night rushed back to him like he’d been hit by a giant wave. He’d gone out to, well, kill himself. Then this stranger came by and persuaded him that he shouldn’t jump, partially by threatening to call the police. Then he’d had a panic attack because the situation had become far too intense, and after that… He must’ve passed out, but he couldn’t remember.

 

He relayed that information back to the stranger adding, “You scared the fucking shit out of me.” The stranger nodded solemnly, obviously not happy with having upset Virgil the night before.

 

“I called my mom to come pick us up, saying that we’d both been walking in the same direction and you’d passed out. I didn’t want to lie but I knew that you would want as little attention brought to your suicide attempt as you could. And, since I guess you would like to know whose house you’re in, I’m Patton. Patton Shea. And you are?” Patton gave him an encouraging look.

 

“I’m, uh… I’m Virgil Thomas. He/him pronouns.” Virgil added this last part out of habit, used to introducing himself online with his pronouns, since there were a lot of nonbinary and trans people who appreciated when you asked their pronouns and who would ask yours back. Patton nodded thoughtfully.

 

“I guess I use he/him pronouns as well. I’ve never thought to add them when I introduce myself, but it definitely sounds good in practice,” he said with a tilt of his head. “Well! You must be starving! It’s nearly noon, would you like some breakfast? I can heat up some of the pancakes I made for you earlier!” Patton stood up and walked toward the door of his bedroom. Virgil was still standing in the corner, thoroughly confused and feeling distressed that apparently sometime after he’d passed out Patton had taken his hoodie off of him.

 

“Um, Patton? Can I have my hoodie back?” Virgil asked softly just before the other boy had reached the door. Patton whipped around and gave him a big smile.

 

“Of course! I can’t believe I forgot. It’s in the bathroom right over there with some more comfortable clothes than skinny jeans if you’d like to change.” He pointed at a door to Virgil’s left that Virgil assumed led to an en-suite bathroom. _Fancy_ , he thought with a bitter sarcasm.

 

“I’m gonna go get your breakfast ready, so take your time getting yourself situated,” Patton said with a smile. Virgil nodded and watched the other leave the room and close the door behind him. Virgil let out his breath, which he hadn’t even realized he was holding. He made his way into the bathroom. The second he’d locked the door, he sank to the ground and put his head in his hands.

 

He felt so guilty. He was imposing himself onto this person he’d never met before, not to mention his family, and had caused mental distress to him as well. He shouldn’t have stood on that ledge for so long, he should have just climbed up and jumped immediately. And now Patton ended up paying the repercussions of innocently walking by when a depressed kid was on the brink of death. Virgil felt the tears start to stream down his face. Why did he always fuck things up?

 

Virgil had no clue how long he’d been sitting on the floor of Patton’s bathroom in the middle of a breakdown before he’d heard a light knock on the other side of the door.

 

“Verge-- is it okay if I call you that?-- Are you okay? It sounds like you’re crying; can I come in?” Patton’s voice was laced with genuine concern and understanding. Virgil quickly wiped his eyes and nose on his arm and stood up, glancing worriedly at the door.

 

“Um, I’m fine, Patton. Don’t worry about it. Really,” Virgil replied, probably with too much enthusiasm. He crossed his fingers that Patton would just go away. He heard a sigh from the opposite side of the door.

 

“Okay, well, if you need to talk, I’m here. Your breakfast is ready, so come down when you’re done.” Virgil gave a quick okay and actually set to get himself cleaned up. He felt disgusting. He heard Patton’s footsteps walking away and rushed to ask something.

 

“Hey, Patton? Is it okay if I take a shower?” Patton’s footsteps came to a halt.

 

“Of course, Virgil! There are towels under the sink.” The footsteps continued and the bedroom door made a soft click. Virgil pulled two towels out from where Patton had told him they’d be and turned on the shower. It took him a few minutes to figure it out (he had to turn it to adjust the temperature and pull the knob out to turn on the water) and accidentally soaked his shirt in the process.

 

He took a quick shower and dried off. Unfortunately, some of the water from his shirt had soaked into his jeans and he was forced to wear the light blue checkered pajama pants and disgustingly bright green shirt. He zipped up his sweatshirt in an attempt to mask most of the color. Virgil took the edge of the towel he’d used to dry off his hair and washed off the remaining smudges of black makeup from under his eyes and brushed his hair out of his face with his fingers. He looked oddly… normal.

 

Once he was absolutely sure any signs of him having cried had disappeared, Virgil left Patton’s room and went down the set of stairs to his left. Overall, the house had a very clean but familial aura, it gave Virgil an odd sense of calm and happiness.

 

“Patton? Where’s the kitchen?” Verge called. The place was _huge_. There were three hallways that branched from the bottom of the stairs and each had at least one other hallway branching off of that one.

 

“Go left and then go through the first doorway on the left!” Patton responded. The instructions were easy enough and the confused teen found himself in a spacious kitchen with pristine cream-colored cabinets and pink marble countertops. Patton was standing at the counter with the largest stack of pancakes Virgil had ever seen in 17 years of life.

 

“Are _all_ of those pancakes for me?” Virgil could only imagine the confused and astounded look that was on his face.

 

“Well, if you want them all, you can have them. I didn’t know how many you’d want, so I made more than enough.” There was a bright smile on Patton’s face, as if he’d fulfilled his life’s purpose by making at least thirty pancakes in a flour-covered blue polo and tan slacks. Virgil couldn’t help but smile.

 

“Thanks, Patton. I don’t eat a lot of pancakes, usually, but I appreciate the sentiment.” Virgil walked to the small table in the center of the room and sat down where there was a plate set up. Patton carefully carried the giant plate of pancakes to the table and set them near his guest. Virgil took three pancakes to start and began to eat them plain. He didn’t want to use up anything more than he had to.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want any syrup on your pancakes? They’ll probably taste better if you put some on…” Virgil looked up to see a confused, but not malicious, look on Patton’s face.

 

“No, it’s fine. I’m used to eating plain pancakes.” The teen gave a reassuring smile and hoped he was convincing enough. The other seemed to take that as a good enough answer and began asking about Virgil’s life.

 

“So, Verge, how old are you?” Patton had a smile on his face, as if he was actually enjoying the company. “I, uh, turned seventeen yesterday…” Virgil cringed at the thought of his host realizing he’d tried to kill himself on his _birthday_.

 

“Oh! I just turned seventeen yesterday as well! As did two of my friends. They’re very nice, I think you’d like them.” Where Patton had gathered any information as to what kind of people Virgil would enjoy spending time with was a mystery, but Virgil politely nodded. “Do you go to Westview High School as well?”

 

“Yeah.” Virgil didn’t see any use in lying to the other teen. Eventually they would’ve crossed paths at school and that would’ve been a really awkward.

 

“I’m surprised I’ve never seen you around before!” Patton furrowed his brows, obviously trying to think of at least one time that he’d seen Virgil around school.

 

“I keep to the shadows most of the time. It’s really not a big deal.” Verge had finished his pancakes and was reaching for another one.

 

“You should hang out with my friends and I at school sometime. Which reminds me, I’ve already called myself in sick, so I should do the same for you. Your last name was Thomas, right?” Patton stood up and walked over to the cell phone laying on the counter. It was in a light blue case with dog stickers on it, which seemed to fit Patton’s happy-go-lucky persona perfectly.

 

“Yeah…” Virgil continued to eat his pancake while Patton made the phone call. He seemed to be making jokes with the secretary, which was extremely surprising since she was notorious for being mean.

 

“Okie dokie! You’re excused from school today. Now, I know we’ve been talking about some pretty light topics, but I think we should talk about something important.” The hoodie-clad teen shrunk back. _Oh no_ …

 

“Patton, it’s fine. _I’m_ fine. I was just feeling really upset yesterday and was about to do something rash. It was a one-time thing…” Virgil didn’t even sound convincing to himself. He slouched forward, discarding his pancake on his plate and putting his head in his hands.

 

“Verge, I know I’ve only known you for less than a day, but I know good people when I see them. You deserve to live--”

 

“How do _you_ know?! You know barely anything about me. For all you know, I could be a criminal in need of psychiatric help!” Virgil’s voice was a knife through Patton’s soft words. There was no longer any happiness on Patton’s face.

 

“I… I…” Patton looked like he was close to crying.

 

“You should have just left me to die. I’m worthless and you know it. Now leave me the fuck alone.” Virgil aggressively shoved his chair back and walked from the room. His feet carried him up the stairs and into Patton’s bathroom. He immediately locked the door and collapsed. What he’d done was wrong and he knew that, but he was sick of Patton’s faux empathy.

 

“Yes, Logan. Yes, I did try to talk to him about staying with me, but he wouldn’t let me get my words in. Mhmm. He locked himself in the bathroom; I’m going to try and get him to come out. Virgil? Kiddo, are you okay?” Tears were streaming down Virgil’s face as he stood up and looked at his reflection in the mirror. He was pathetic. He couldn’t even kill himself correctly; he wasn’t able to do the right thing. The teen pulled his fist back and sent it flying into the mirror.

 

_CRASH!_ Glass rained onto the counter with the sound of a thousand tiny bells. Virgil looked down to see red streaming from his knuckles, but he honestly didn’t care.

 

“Virgil?! What happened? Are you okay?” Patton sounded frantic. “Logan, get Roman. I need you both to come here and help me. Right now. Yes, just. Get here.”

 

Verge picked up one of the larger shards of glass and examined it in his hands. It was beautiful, a jagged piece of crystal catching the light at just the right angles. He squeezed the shard, feeling it cut into the soft flesh of his hands. The teenager gently placed the red glass onto the pristine white countertop and ran a hand through his hair. He was starting to become dizzy. He picked up another mirror shard and cut it into his forearm multiple times. A wave of calm washed over Virgil.

 

“Please let me in, buddy. I’m not trying to hurt you!”

 

The teen in the bathroom fell to the floor, unable to hold himself up with how dizzy he was.

 

“I think he broke the mirror. I don’t want him hurting himself, he’s in a very dark place. Help me break the door open.” A series of bangs erupted in the small space where Virgil was. He curled in on himself, not wanting to have to deal with the world anymore.

 

A loud crack rang out as three figures bursted through the door. They froze and stared at Virgil, laying on the bath mat covered in blood and crying. Virgil heard Patton gasp.

 

“Patton, I know this is hard for you, but I need you to go grab gauze rolls from the medicine cabinet. Roman, help me drag him onto the bed,” a calm voice ordered. Virgil felt two sets of hands grab him and pull him to the bed, gently laying him onto the plush covers. Something was then being wrapped around his hands and forearms.

 

“Thanks, Pat. Roman I need you to get the car started up and clear out a space in the back for Virgil to lay down.” Virgil’s vision had become mostly black, so he wasn’t able to make out any of the figures around him.

 

“Virgil? I’m going to carry you now. Please do not be alarmed,” the calm voice commanded. Virgil gave a weak nod as he was scooped into a pair of steady arms. The teen allowed himself to doze off as he was carted into an unfamiliar car for the second time in 24 hours.


	3. Chapter 2

The first thought that popped into Virgil’s mind when he woke up was that it was far too bright. He squinted, trying to make out _something_ . He felt a dull pain in his wrists and hands and groaned. Patton was going to give him _so_ much shit. 

It didn’t take too long for Virgil’s eyes to get adjusted to the bright lights. He was in a hospital room where everything but the blue smock he was in was white. There was nobody in the room with him, at least for the time being, but a backpack was discarded on one of the chairs in the corner. Patton must’ve packed it up quickly before they’d left.

The door slowly creaked open and Virgil’s eyes snapped to the movement. Patton creeped through but stood up straight once he’d seen Verge was awake. A frown spread across his face as he moved to sit in the chair at Virgil’s right side.

“Virgil, you’re lucky that Logan and Roman had a free period and were able to come get us to the hospital. What you did was very dangerous, though I’m sure that was your intention. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, but obviously I did, and I’m sorry about that. Still, we need to talk about your situation because you aren’t fit to be left on your own. I’m not going to force you into any situation you aren’t comfortable with, but I want to keep you safe.” Patton was speaking at a million miles an hour, barely comprehensible due to worry. Virgil shrugged and turned toward the only window in the room, watching the cars pass by on the road stories below. In the back of his mind, he dreaded having to leave. The hospital only had elevators (whoever thought up that plan was obviously not thinking correctly), and, of course, Virgil was incredibly afraid of elevators.

“I know you didn’t want anyone to find out about your situation, so I cleared it with my parents and checked you in under my name and made sure that there would be complete confidentiality. You’ll be covered under my parent’s insurance and won’t have to pay for anything. They want to make sure you’re okay and are perfectly fine with this.” He knew Patton was trying to be comforting, but it just made Virgil feel more guilty. He was taking so much from this family. Hot pinpricks formed in his eyes as tears welled up. He tried his damnedest to will them away but they began to slip down his face regardless. 

“Hey! Verge, it’s okay. What’s wrong, kiddo?” Patton placed a light hand on top of Virgil’s arm, avoiding the tender spots under the bandages. Virgil forced himself to look at his companion. He hadn’t noticed before, but Patton had intense bags under his eyes, as if he hadn’t slept at all during the night. His guilt only grew.

“I’m sorry,” Virgil whispered. “I’m so, so sorry that you have to deal with my depressed emo garbage. You don’t deserve this.”  He was a burden to everyone he met, just bringing them down with him. There was no escape the sinking ship that was Virgil Thomas; once you got on it was hell on earth.

“Y’know, I’ve been in situations similar to yours. Although they weren’t nearly as intense, I’ve had great doubts about my self-worth. You really are a good person who deserves a good live, Virgil. I can just _feel_ it. I really do want to help you, and I don’t care what I have to sacrifice to get you back on your feet. Now, we need to talk about your living situation. Do you have anybody at home who will be worrying about you?”  Patton laid expectant eyes on Virgil.

“Um, not really. My dad is almost always out of town and my mom isn’t around usually,” he responded.

Patton nodded and said, “Alrighty then. Would you be okay with staying at my house for the foreseeable future? We would obviously have to grab your things from your house, but I’d feel better if you stayed with me. And don’t feel bad, you’ve seen that we have more than plenty of room for one other person.”

“I guess that’ll be okay.” Virgil’s voice was shaking slightly. He didn’t know whether he should be sad or happy. He was receiving so much kindness, yet he didn’t feel like he deserved it. His thoughts were interrupted when a nurse came into the room. 

“Mr. Thomas? I need to ask Mr. Shea some questions. I ask that you leave the room… unless Mr. Shea is okay with you staying.” The nurse had a large smile on her face, but it didn’t reach her eyes like Patton’s did.

“Um, I’d rather Pat-- uh, _Virgil_ stay in the room, if that’s all right.” Virgil gave her the best smile he could scrounge up and she gave a curt nod, her brown hair swishing around her face. She took the seat on the opposite side of the bed from Patton.

“Mr. Shea, my name is Nurse Lucy. Do you remember what happened before you were admitted into the hospital?” Nurse Lucy pulled a pen from the pocket of her scrubs and began to write on the clipboard she’d picked up from the table next to her.

Truthfully, the events of the day had become a blur in Virgil’s mind. He could remember with clarity yelling at Patton and running to the bathroom. And then he punched the mirror and cut his knuckles, but after that? He had nothing.

“I don’t really remember anything…” Virgil’s face scrunched up just slightly in thought.

“Well, Mr. Shea, your friend with the tie told us you had a ‘severe panic attack’ and Mr. Thomas followed up by saying you hurt yourself with ‘broken glass from a mirror’ and then passed out due to a mixture of blood loss and anxiety. Do you remember any of that happening?”

“I remember the panic attack and the mirror part, though I remember the latter only vaguely.” The teen didn’t really like the direction that these questions were going. They were getting far too close to striking a nerve. As if he’d been reading the other’s thoughts, Patton piped up. 

“Nurse Lucy, Vir-- _Patton_ has been through a lot today. How long do you think these questions will take?” Virgil sent a silent thanks to whatever deity that was watching over him.

“Just a few more minutes, Mr. Thomas,” the nurse replied with a saccharine smile. “Mr. Shea, have you had any bouts of depression within the past four months?”

“Yes,” Virgil answered.

“And how long did the depression last?”

“It started when I was fourteen and has been on and off for the past three years.” The teen’s hands began to shake.

“Have you had suicidal ideations or attempted suicide in the past four months?” Virgil’s breath hitched. Patton gave a small squeeze, reminding Virgil that he was still there. 

“Yes. To both.”

“How long have you been having suicidal thoughts?” 

“Since I turned sixteen.” He raised his left hand and ran a shaky hand through his hair. He already knew the next question she was going to ask before she even opened her mouth.

“When was the last time you attempted to commit suicide?” Time seemed to freeze in the room. Virgil glanced over at Patton, who had a pained expression on his face. Lines of worry were etched across his fair skin, and his normal smile was pressed into a harsh frown.

“Today,” Virgil whispered. It was the truth, and he was sure Patton knew it regardless if he wanted to believe it. He looked at his feet, refusing to let his gaze shift to either of the people at his sides.

“I see,” Nurse Lucy said with a professional tone, no emotion in her voice at all. “Since you were admitted due to injuries from a mental illness and have admitted to other mental instabilities, you will need to stay in the hospital for at least three days for further mental examination.” She stood up and smoothed out her pants.

“Um, Nurse, will I be allowed to stay during the exams?” Patton’s soft voice broke through the unrelenting silence.

“That depends on the doctor’s specifications. If you have any questions, I can leave his phone number here so you can discuss with him. Now, if you two will excuse me, I have another patient I need to check up on.” Virgil could hear her clicking footsteps leave the room and the thunk of the door closing.

“Verge, will you please look at me?” Patton asked with actual sweetness in his voice, not the fake sugary bullshit that the nurse had given him. Virgil turned his head slowly. His breathing was becoming shallow and he could feel a panic attack coming on.

“I need you to listen to me, okay? You are going to be okay. I’m going to stay with you through all of it, even if the doctor wants me to leave.” A whole new wave of tears began to stream down Virgil’s face. This time, however, Patton climbed into the hospital bed, bringing his new friend into his arms, not caring about the tears that would end up staining his shirt. They stayed in that position, Virgil crying into Patton’s shoulder, until the former fell asleep.

———

“I don’t understand why we have to run errands for some kid that we barely even know!” Roman complained. He and Logan had received a text from Patton that, as soon as school let out, they needed to go to the house of the kid they’d drove to the hospital and pick up anything they thought he’d need, whether it be clothes or electronics or whatever.

“Technically, Roman, we’re not running errands for Virgil. We’re running errands for Patton, who happens to be working to help a stranger. This is for our friend.” Logan turned off the engine of his disgustingly old Dodge Intrepid. He shoved open the squeaky door and walked up to the porch of the large white house in front of him. 

“Yes, but,” Roman returned after he’d exited from the passenger seat. “Why do _we_ have to do this? Why can’t he do it?”

“Did you see how Patton was acting when we were checking Virgil into the hospital? He was an emotional wreck. I doubt he’d leave Virgil’s side if we threatened to kill a puppy. He obviously has some sort of emotional attachment to the guy.” Logan punched in the code to unlock the door. How Patton had gotten the code he would probably never know. He pushed open the door and led Roman inside.

The inside of the house was just as plain as the outside. Light grey linoleum tiles lined the floor and every surface was painted white. Even the doors were white. It was a huge disgrace to interior design that either of the pair had ever seen.

“The bedroom is upstairs, correct?” Logan asked, looking around for _something_ that indicated someone actually lived here. The house was oddly bare, just a few pieces of furniture in each room that he could see.

“Yes. Second door on the right.” Roman had already made it halfway up the stairs by the time he’d finished his sentence. Logan sighed and followed his dramatic friend.

It would have been easy to find out which room was the correct one even if they hadn’t had the directions. The door to Virgil’s room had been painted black and stuck out like a sore thumb against the blaring white of everything else. Roman swung the door open and walked inside with a flourish that only he would add.

“What a dreary nightmare this place is,” Roman commented, picking up a vinyl sleeve that had been discarded on the floor. _American Beauty / American Psycho_ by Fall Out Boy. Roman placed the sleeve onto the desk to his left. He looked to Logan and saw that his friend had already gathered a pile of assorted black clothes onto the black duvet. Shocker. 

He sighed and began to gather things from the desk: a few notebooks that were labeled with school subjects along with their corresponding binders, a pencil case, a pair of over-ear headphones and the attached cell phone, a well used black eyeshadow single, and a weird little cube with a bunch of buttons on it. He placed them on the bed and grabbed a backpack from the floor, stuffing his finds into it. Logan had pulled a suitcase from somewhere, probably the closet, and had begun to neatly fold clothes and pack them up. 

“I’m going to search for the bathroom to grab Mr. Darkside’s toiletries.” All Roman got in response was a nod. With a slight eye roll, he left the room and began to peek into each room in the hallway. The one third on the right turned out to be another bedroom, as was the fourth, the one across the hall from that one was a linen closet, and the two down the hall were completely empty. Last, he checked the first door on the right. He opened the door and found a pristinely clean bathroom, minus the spread of toiletries across the counter.

Roman grabbed a toothbrush, a tube of toothpaste, and the hairbrush that was laying on the ground near the edge of the counter. He picked up a small rectangular metal thing that was hidden behind a stack of washcloths. It suddenly snapped open to reveal a small knife that had little flecks of blood on it. His stomach dropped and he quickly closed the blade, nearly throwing it back onto the counter.

He thought back to the time when Pat had been having a rough time and Logan had stayed up until ungodly hours researching things to help. Roman remembered when he’d clicked on a link and was brought to a website about cutting with graphic images of scars and cuts. Although he was not normally squeamish around blood, the thought of his friend hurting himself nearly made him throw up. 

He’d seen similar scars on Virgil when he’d helped Logan patch up his cuts. A shiver ran through his body. He didn’t want to think about that.

“Roman? Have you found everything you need?” Logan’s voice called. Roman shook his shoulders and stood up straighter.

“Yes; I’ll be there in just a moment.” After throwing one last glance at the knife on the counter, he made his way back to Virgil’s bedroom. Logan grabbed the toiletries from his hands and shoved them into the backpack before throwing it onto his shoulder. The two brought the bags out to the car, shoving them in the back seat. Roman’s memories from the bathroom were soon forgotten when he received another text from Patton.

Patton  
Delivered at 3:30 pm  
Verge has to stay in the hospital for the next few days for mental examination. They’re worried about him attempting suicide again. If you guys could pick up a stuffed animal from the gift shop, I’d really appreciate it! <333

Roman   
Read at 3:31 pm  
Of course, Pat! We’re just leaving the house now, so we’ll be at the hospital soon. Do you need anything?

Patton  
Delivered at 3:31 pm  
Just a water bottle. See you guys when you get here! <33333

Patton  
Delivered at 3:47 pm  
I just realized I haven’t had anything to eat since breakfast. Can you grab me something to eat in the cafeteria?

Roman  
Read at 3:50 pm  
I’ll add it to the list of things we need to do that Logan’s forcing me to write. Be there in 15.

Patton  
Delivered at 3:50 pm  
Awesome! <3

Patton  
Delivered at 3:54 pm  
Roman?

Roman  
Read at 3:54 pm  
Yes, Patton?

Patton  
Delivered at 3:55 pm  
Thank you both. I really appreciate what you’re doing for Verge and I.

Roman  
Read at 3:56 pm  
It’s no problem Patton. You’ve had a rough day and deserve some rest.

Patton  
Delivered at 3:56 pm  
You and Logan are fam ILY.


	4. Chapter 3

Roman didn’t know what he’d expected to see when he walked into Virgil’s hospital room, but it certainly wasn’t _that_. Patton was sitting in the bed with the pretty much stranger, eyes closed, arms wrapped around him, and chin resting on his head. Virgil was asleep, which, after the day’s events, wasn’t very surprising. He could hear Patton softly humming a song, though he couldn’t exactly place which one.

 

“Hey, Patton! We brought you some spaghetti from the cafeteria and a gift for Virgil.” Roman made sure to keep his voice quiet, not wanting to disturb the sleeping teen just feet away. Patton opened his eyes and smiled an incredibly bright smile. He motioned towards the over-the-bed table tray thing (Roman couldn’t think of a single word to describe the atrocity on wheels). Logan set to organizing the luggage they’d brought up with them while Roman gave Pat his dinner.

 

“Did we have any Comm Arts homework tonight?” Patton quietly asked between bites of pasta.

 

“No,” Logan told him. “But we do have to do a page in the Physics packet. It’s only five problems but they’re pretty long, and that’s coming from me.” The boy on the bed moaned.

 

“I talked to your Child Guidance teacher and she told me your class was having a test tomorrow on Chapter 6. You should probably email her and ask if you’d be able to take it at home since I don’t assume you’ll be leaving Virgil alone.” Roman gave a knowing look to Pat as he said this. Patton was basically the dad friend, always caring about everyone else’s well being and never leaving them alone when they need support, even if that person was someone he’d just met.

 

“Neither of us had time to ask your Psychology teacher about homework, but I’d just send him an email that you’re going to be caring for a friend who’s in the hospital for the next few days and he might give you a break. We know how worried you get and don’t want any excessive stress about school on top of that,” Logan added with a small smile.

 

“Thanks, guys! You’re the best friends I could ask for.” Patton had somehow finished his entire plate of food in the less than two minute conversation and had opened up his phone, probably to email his teachers about the situation he was in.

 

The instant the phone had been turned off, Logan spoke up. “Patton, I know you want to look after Virgil, but have you gotten any sleep in the past twenty four hours? You look practically like a zombie.” Roman couldn’t help but agree. Intense bags had formed under his friend’s eyes and he looked as if he would fall asleep at any moment.

 

“I’m okay, guys. I promi--” Patton’s words got cut off by an intense yawn.

 

“Point proven. We’ll look after him while you rest, okay? Roman, get out the blanket that we packed.” Logan’s words, although could be taken as harsh, were very soft. The boy on the bed wiggled out from under Virgil, being careful not to wake him up. Roman handed Pat the blanket and guided him to the padded bench in the corner of the room. Almost as soon as Patton had rested his head on the blanket he was out. The two remaining teens smiled at their friend who had so much love to give.

* * *

 

“Who the fuck are you two?!” Virgil yelled. Upon waking up, he had found himself in his hospital room with Patton asleep in the corner and two random guys playing what looked like chess three feet away.

 

“Welcome back to the living, Creeping Beauty,” the guy in a red short sleeved button up with little white hearts and dark skinny jeans muttered, not looking up from the game.

 

“My name is Logan Christiansen, and this is my friend Roman Patrick. We’re friends with Patton and are currently watching over you while he gets at least a little sleep.” The guy in the tie adjusted his glasses--Logan, apparently-- and made a move on the board in front of him. “Check mate, Roman.”

 

Virgil sighed and looked around the room for something to do while Logan and Roman were playing chess. He spotted his suitcase and instantly got a little happier.

 

“Did you guys happen to bring my phone and headphones?” Honestly, Verge didn’t care if he sounded like a little kid in a candy store. He’d been craving listening to music, something loud to wash out all of the bad things in his mind.

 

“Yeah,” Roman answered. “It’s in your backpack. Give me a second to find it.” He got up and rummaged through the black backpack a few feet away until he found what he was looking for. He dropped it on the lap of Virgil and went right back to playing his game.

 

Navigating a phone with barely any of his fingers unbandaged was a task, to say the least, but Virgil eventually got open the music app and put it on shuffle. The first song to come up was “Novocaine” by Fall Out Boy. A smile spread on his face. He closed his eyes and let the music soothe him until he fell back to sleep.

* * *

 

Roman glanced at where Logan had fallen asleep in the middle of a physics problem and sighed. He’d accidentally left his phone in the car and was hopelessly bored. The teen dramatically propped his feet up onto the hospital bed and threw his head back.

 

“Hey, Drama Queen. Is there any way you could get me some food?” Roman’s head snapped to look at Virgil, who was looking at him with little interest.

 

“First of all,” Roman started. “ I am not a ‘Drama Queen.’ Second, I think that the cafeteria closed at eight, and it’s ten right now.” Virgil rolled his eyes.

 

“Awesome. The icing on a really perfect day,” the boy muttered as he ran a bandaged hand through his hair. Admittedly, Roman felt bad for the kid. He’d had a really rough day and this truly was another cut to him. Roman stood up and grabbed his wallet.

 

“Would you rather stay here, or do you want me to grab you a wheelchair and I can push you around on a quest for food?” For a second Roman could’ve sworn he saw a hint of a smile flash across Virgil’s face.

 

“ _Wheelchair_.” The boy in the bed swung his legs until they hung off the side of his mattress and slowly sat up, taking hold of his IV in the process.

 

It only took Roman a minute to find a wheelchair he could use. Virgil hopped off the bed the instant he saw it and plunked down in it (though he did almost fall down in the process). The two began their quest for some sustenance with very little setbacks until they reached the elevators.

 

“Oh, shit! I forgot that I’d have to take the elevator. _Fuck_.” It took all of Roman’s self control not to laugh at that comment.

 

“Afraid of elevators, Dr. Disasterology?” Roman teased.

 

“What? Um, no. Of course not…” Virgil’s lie was as seethrough as the IV drip bag connected to him. “Look, there’s a lot that could go wrong in an elevator, not to mention it’s fucking tiny.”

 

“Well it’s too late to turn back now.” Roman pushed the wheelchair into the elevator and hit the button for the third floor. All color had drained out of Virgil’s face as soon as the elevator had started to move. Instantly Roman realized he’d made a mistake.

 

“Virgil, are you going to be okay? We can abort the mission and just go back if you nee--”

 

“No. We’re going,” Virgil said through clenched teeth. The elevator dinged, announcing they’d reached the correct floor. Roman pushed them out as soon as the doors were wide enough to allow for them to pass through. He could visibly see Virgil calm down, which was both relieving and mildly terrifying at the same time.

 

“Let’s see if any of the vending machines are on. I think there are a few near the cafeteria and they looked like they had some okay choices.” Roman was thinking out loud at this point, just trying to gather his thoughts as they wandered around the hospital.

 

Virgil pointed to his left. “That looks kinda promising.” There was a lone vending machine tucked away in a corner. Its lights were on, but it didn’t look like it’d been touched in ages. Roman dramatically made racecar noises as he turned the wheelchair and pushed them towards the machine. He didn’t even need to be looking at him to know that Virgil had rolled his eyes.

 

Virgil scanned the contents of the machine once they’d arrived. It was fully stocked and looked like nothing had been bought.

 

“Alright Prince Charming, can you buy me some of those veggie straw things and a cinnamon bun?” Roman obliged, especially since he only had to spend a total of two dollars on the meal.

 

“Thanks, dude,” Virgil said as he tore open the bag of veggie straws.

 

“No problem. At least you’re not a food vacuum like Patton and eat an entire plate of pasta in less than two minutes.” Virgil couldn’t help but laugh at that.

 

“Is that a challenge? Because I will totally fight him on that title of ‘food vacuum.’” He shoved a giant handful of chips into his mouth and reached for another. Roman had to pause navigating back to the elevators to physically stop Virgil from stuffing his mouth.

 

There were exactly three other incidents were Virgil tried to shove copious amounts of food into his mouth. The third happened to be at the exact moment that they were arriving at the room. Roman opened the door to be greeted by a worried Patton who was staring straight at Virgil who was about to shove the largest handful of chips into his mouth. Patton’s face instantly grew cheery as he saw the pair.

 

“I was so worried about you two! I’m glad you’re okay, though, Roman, it was irresponsible to not leave a note explaining where you went. I almost woke up Logan and made him come with me to search for you.” Patton’s words were flying out of his mouth at a speed that was barely comprehensible.

 

“Sorry, Pat. I should’ve left a note. Virgil was really hungry so we went to get him some-- _VIRGIL I SWEAR TO GOD DO NOT SHOVE THAT WHOLE CINNAMON BUN INTO YOUR MOUTH_ \--food. Glad to see you got some sleep, though.” Roman gave Patton a hug and then promptly helped Virgil back into the bed.

 

“You and Logan should probably head out. I don’t want you two to be tired for school tomorrow.” Pat once again took a seat at Virgil’s side. Roman nodded and began to lightly shake Logan’s shoulder.

 

“Hey, sleepyhead. It’s time to get up so you can drive us home.”

 

“...What?” Logan asked, voice laced with tiredness.

 

“It’s around ten thirty, Lo. We need to get home and sleep in an actual bed, not on a chair,”  Roman replied. It took Logan all of thirty seconds to actually process the information, and in that time Roman decided he’d be driving them to Logan’s house and staying there for the night.

 

After the duo packed up their things and said goodbye, Virgil and Patton were left alone in the dreary hospital room, the only sounds being Virgil softly chewing on his cinnamon roll.

 

“Did you have a good nap?” Virgil asked after a few minutes.

 

“Yeah, I did. How was your food adventure with Roman, Verge?” Patton was really curious. Out of Logan and Roman, he’d expected Virgil to dislike Roman’s dramatic nature far more than Logan’s intense intelligence.

 

“It was… interesting. Roman is incredibly dramatic, so it made it way funnier to mess around with him and see his reactions.” Virgil thought back to the numerous times he’d tried to shove tons of food into his mouth just to fuck with Roman and laughed. _Seriously, Virgil,_ he’d scolded. _I don’t want you choking on food on our way back up. Patton would literally kill me._

 

“Well that’s good, kiddo! And how are you feeling? Do you need me to get you anything?”

 

“I’m good, Patton. Really. I feel better than I have in a while, to be honest.” There was no lie in what Virgil said. He really did feel better than he had in a long time. All of the things that the trio of friends were doing for him made him feel really happy. Maybe he did actually matter.

 

“That’s wonderful!” The two sat in silence for a while before Virgil spoke up again.

 

“Thanks for everything you’re doing, Patton. I’ve been kind of an ass to you today.” Virgil focused on his hands. He was really embarrassed that he’d ended up in the hospital when everything could’ve been avoided if he’d just listened to Patton.

 

“Don’t worry about it. I told you earlier today that I’ve been in some rough times as well. It’s really, really hard on a person, and sometimes they do things they don’t really mean.” Patton reached up and ruffled Virgil’s hair, to which he protested. The duo broke out in laughter. Virgil really could get used to this whole having friends thing.

 

“Do you want to listen to some music? I have some not-super-rock songs if you’d rather listen to something lighter.” Admittedly “some not-super-rock songs” meant things like “20 Dollar Nosebleed” and “This is Gospel,” but technically they weren’t as punk rock as other songs from Fall Out Boy and Panic! at the Disco.

 

“We can listen to whatever you want, Verge. Don’t let me stop you from listening to the music you enjoy.” Virgil shrugged and unplugged his headphones, turning up the volume at the same time. He hit shuffle on his playlist and let the sounds of “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)” fill the room.

 

The two teenagers sat there for a long while before both of them eventually fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 4

Every few hours a nurse would come in and check Virgil’s vitals and blood pressure and ask questions about his mental well being. Each time a nurse entered, Virgil tensed. He was terrified of saying something wrong, of being shipped away to some mental facility where he’d be poked with needles all the time. However, Patton was still there, keeping him grounded and in control of his thoughts. He was so grateful for that.

 

After a particularly intense meeting where they’d asked about self harm and pushed far too hard for his comfort, Patton pulled a small gift bag out of his backpack.

 

“I had Logan and Roman pick this up from the gift shop yesterday. I decided to save it until you really needed it.” Pat placed the bag onto Virgil’s lap and watched expectantly. Verge pulled away the tissue paper and found a tiny cat plushie.

 

“This is awesome, Patton. Thank you.” A hint of a smile spread across his face.

 

“It’s no problem, kiddo! Now why don’t we listen to some of that sweet music of yours? I know it calms you down.” Patton reached for the phone but Virgil stopped him.

 

“Aren’t you missing a ton of school to stay here, Pat? I mean, it’s nice to have you around as moral support, but I don’t want you to fall behind.” Verge rhythmically squeezed his new plushie, helping him stay calm.

 

“Roman and Logan will bring me my school stuff tonight and I can access lessons online for most of my classes. Don’t worry about me, kiddo. Worry about yourself.”

 

“Alright…”

* * *

 

Over the days, Patton and Virgil fell into a rhythm. There were three check-ins before lunch, three before Logan and Roman showed up at around 4, one before dinner, and two before Logan and Roman left. Even though they had to stay an extra day, the schedule stayed the same and Virgil didn’t worry about it. When he was finally discharged on Saturday morning, the doctor had offered to prescribe antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication.

 

“It might help with your suicidal ideations,” he’d coaxed. He had the same sugary sweet twinge in his voice that the nurses had, trying too hard to be genuine.

 

“Um, that’s okay. I don’t think I’ll need them.” Virgil’s voice was shaky. He didn’t want to take any medicines that messed with his brain, especially ones that had a higher chance of addiction. He didn’t need anything like that to top off his pile of problems.

 

“Alright, but if you ever decide you do, here’s my extension so you can get a prescription.” The doctor handed him a slip of paper. Virgil just nodded as he watched the doctor leave. He’d already changed into his normal clothes and makeup, though his normal hoodie had been swapped out for a deep purple one because his normal one was “legally a biohazard” with the blood on it (they'd said something about blood-to-blood contact causing diseases). Luckily, Patton had smuggled it into a plastic bag so it wouldn’t get thrown away.

 

Virgil pushed himself off of the hospital bed and cringed at the loud smack his high tops made when his feet hit the ground. He picked up his backpack off of the floor near the door and waited for Pat to grab all of his things. Roman and Logan had taken the suitcase back to Patton’s house on Thursday to lessen the amount of things cluttering up the hospital room. When Verge glanced back at Patton, all he saw was a pile of blankets and cardigans walking towards him.

 

“Um, Pat? You need some help?” Patton’s head popped up from behind the pile.

 

“Nope. I just need you to push the buttons of the elevator and open the doors for me!”  Virgil opened his mouth to say something but stopped himself. Better to not ask any questions.

 

As soon as they hit the ground floor, Virgil let out a sigh of relief. He didn’t have to be in this damn hospital anymore, didn’t have to answer the invasive questions from the staff, and didn’t have to eat the gross hospital food (that soup was NOT made with chicken). Plus he didn’t have to take the elevator if he wanted to get anywhere.

 

“Hey, Young and Menace,” Roman greeted as the duo got into Logan’s car.

 

“What’s up, Fancy Pants?” Virgil quipped. It wasn’t his best remark, but he cut himself some slack after being in the hospital for four days.

 

“Logan, can we pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaasssseeeee go get pancakes? Pleeaaaaaassseeeee?” Patton sounded like a toddler who was trying to beg his parents to buy him a new toy that he seriously did not need.

 

“Didn’t you just have breakfast an hou--”

 

“But _Logan_! It’s a special occasion!”  Logan glanced back at his friend in the rearview mirror.

 

“Fine.”

 

“ _YES_!” Patton yelled and hugged Logan around the seat, much to the latter’s dismay.

* * *

 

After stopping for the pancakes, Patton and Virgil were delivered home. Again, Pat took a giant mound of things in while Virgil only carried his backpack. Verge had tried to convince the other to give him some of the items, but was met with only refusals. He shrugged and made his way into the house.

 

“I had my parents set up a room for you near mine. I think it’s all ready, if you want to head upstairs and go through the door across mine,” Patton said with a strange hint of excitement. Something was definitely up, but Virgil couldn’t quite think of what was waiting for him.

 

The duo maneuvered around the maze of a house and climbed the stairs. Before Virgil could open the door, Patton spoke up.

 

“I should probably warn you that I have a surprise for you. However, it’s nothing big, so don’t worry about it at all.”  Virgil _highly_ doubted that, since nothing Patton did for his friends seemed small, but he turned the knob anyway. He looked back at his friend before pushing the door open.

 

All the breath left Verge’s body. Inside, the room had been painted dark grey, with black and purple sheets, a metal desk, a black dresser, and even a few movie posters hanging on the walls. It was _incredible_.

 

“Patton, you had this done for _me_? Seriously? That’s so fucking cool!”  Virgil walked in and sat down on his bed, setting his backpack on the floor.

 

“Of course, kiddo. I have one more surprise, so wait right there while I get it.” Patton literally dropped all of the stuff in his arms onto the floor and ran into his room. Virgil rubbed his hands on the blanket on his bed and found the sheets had an incredibly soft texture no matter which way he ran his hand across it. He was so busy examining the blanket that he hadn’t realized Patton had returned.

 

“Here’s your last surprise, Verge!” he exclaimed. Virgil snapped his head to look at what Pat was holding.

 

“Is that… a paper chain?” The teen on the bed was thoroughly confused.

 

“Yeah! While we were in the hospital, I was researching things about depression and anxiety and found out about this thing called the Paper Chain Project. Basically, you add colorful rings for every day you go without self harming, and if you relapse, you add a white chain, but continue the chain each day after without self harming. It’s supposed to show you that if you’ve resisted before, you can resist again.” Patton held out the three-link chain to Virgil, who hesitantly took it.

 

The first chain was made of light blue construction paper and had “Wed, April 26. To Virgil, From Patton. I hope your journey continues with happiness and success.” The other two, made of purple and pink paper, had nothing on them. Tears welled up in Virgil’s eyes

 

“I… I…” Virgil’s voice trailed off into a sob. He was so _lucky_ to have been found by Patton that night. For once, he actually saw a pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel.

 

The mattress next to Virgil sunk down as Patton sat. “I know, kiddo. I know.” Patton’s arms wrapped around him, anchoring him. He took his arms and returned the hug, crying softly into the other’s shirt.

 

“When Rome’s in ruins, we are the lions,” Patton sang. He must’ve been subconsciously learning the songs Virgil had played during their time in the hospital. “Free of the coliseums. In poison places, we are antivenom. We’re the beginning of the end.”

 

Patton sang until Virgil had stopped crying. Virgil pulled away and wiped at his eyes with his sleeves.

 

“Thank you, Patton. For saving me, twice, actually, and for staying with me and for doing all of these really incredible things for me. You’re an incredible friend. Like, the best ever.” Patton’s normal smile only grew larger.

 

“That’s what friends are for, Verge. Now, I’m sure you want to spend a little time alone, so you’re free to roam the house if you want to, or you can use our extra laptop to go online or do homework. It should be in the drawer in the desk.” Patton stood up and gave a quick wave before heading to his own room.

 

Virgil sat on his bed for a few more minutes, twisting the paper chain around in his hands, before standing up to find the laptop. He hadn’t contacted a single one of his teachers about his absences and was dreading having to explain that he’d been in the hospital for four days. He pulled the laptop out of the only drawer in the desk, along with a pen and a few sheets of looseleaf paper.

 

There was no password on the laptop, luckily, so he easily booted it up and opened chrome, signing into his school email account. He had about fifteen emails from his teachers. Most of them were “Hey! I’ve noticed you haven’t been at school for the past few days and you weren’t planning a vacation, so here’s your homework you’ve missed,” but the ones from his Graphic Arts teacher really stood out.

 

* * *

 

**_From Anna Miller (millan@westview.k12.fl.us)_ **

_To Virgil Thomas (thomvir@westviewstudents.org)_

_Subject: April 24_

Hey, Virgil! I noticed you were acting a bit down today and wanted to make you’re doing alright. I’m really excited to see your design for the banner project, by the way!

See you tomorrow,

Mrs. Miller

 

**_From Anna Miller (millan@westview.k12.fl.us)_ **

_To Virgil Thomas (thomvir@westviewstudents.org)_

_Subject: April 25_

I noticed you weren’t in class today and just wanted to check up on you, Virgil. After yesterday, I’m just a little bit worried about your well being. I hope to see you tomorrow; you always bring a good dose of sarcasm to class and I’m beginning to miss that.

Mrs. Miller

 

**_From Anna Miller (millan@westview.k12.fl.us)_ **

_To Virgil Thomas (thomvir@westviewstudents.org)_

_Subject: April 26_  

Hey, Virgil. You’ve been missing for a few days, and it’s starting to worry me. I tried to call your parents, but neither would pick up. I’m sure you’re okay, but I just want to make sure. You’re a really good student, though I’m sure you know that, and it’s been very hard to keep class on track without your witty remarks.

Mrs. Miller

 

**_From Anna Miller (millan@westview.k12.fl.us)_ **

_To Virgil Thomas (thomvir@westviewstudents.org)_

_Subject: April 27_

Virgil, although it’s against my better judgement, I’ve decided to stop emailing you after this one. I’m very worried about you, but sometimes people just don’t check their emails. The lessons from these past days are linked below. There hasn’t been any homework since we’ve just been working on banners. There isn’t a lesson for tomorrow, so don’t worry about that. 

Mrs. Miller

 

* * *

 

Virgil immediately clicked the reply button on the last email.

 

* * *

 

**_From Virgil Thomas (thomvir@westviewstudents.org)_ **

_To Anna Miller (millan@westview.k12.fl.us)_

_Subject: Re: April 27_

Mrs. Miller,

I’m really sorry to have left you hanging these past few days. Yes, I’m okay. I had an accident on Tuesday that put me in the hospital for a few days. I’ll be back tomorrow, but I might be a little out of it. A lot of my living arrangements have changed over the weekend so I’m trying to get used to the change. I might need a few days to catch up as well, since I don’t know if I’ll be able to do 16 lessons worth of stuff in two days.

Virgil Thomas

 

* * *

 

_Send_. Virgil let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding. He hadn’t even thought about the fact that the teacher he was close to would notice he was gone and worry about his absence. It left a little pang of guilt in his stomach, but he knew there wasn’t much he could do about that. At least he’d eventually gotten back to her.

 

He clicked around through the emails, collecting assignments and downloading lessons. Virgil was already getting overwhelmed by the work. He had at least 30 math problems for each day that he’d been gone, plus the ones he’d neglected on his birthday, fifty pages of reading for AP Gov, and he needed to make the set designs for the upcoming for his Theatre independent study, since they were beginning production soon. He decided the set designs would be the easiest, so he started on that.

 

They were doing Rodgers and Hammerstein’s “Cinderella Enchanted” for their spring musical, which was really exciting. Although Virgil was all doom and gloom, he really enjoyed making fantastical sets for the shows that really packed a punch for the whole atmosphere. He’d been told they’d have backdrops for the village and ballroom, but they’d need wall pieces for the house and the outside of the house in the garden scene. He needed to pick out furniture when he could actually see what they had in the shop, but pieces they definitely needed to build would be a fountain for the village center, the carriage, the pumpkin patch, and the flower arch for the kiss scene outside of the palace. It wasn’t too intense, but it was still a lot. Virgil began to sketch out some basic layouts and made sure to label everything he put down.

 

When he was done, he felt very accomplished, even though they were pretty plain and the more definite details would need to be discussed once building began. Virgil looked over his work and set them to the side. He checked the time on his phone and was shocked to see it was already 3:30. He was sure he’d spent only an hour at most on the designs, not three. A sigh escaped from his mouth. Might as well go to check in with Patton.

 

He tidied his desk just a bit before heading over to the opposite room. Virgil lightly knocked on the door and waited to hear a response. After no reply, he knocked again, slightly harder this time. He heard some rustling behind the door and then suddenly the door opened to show a slightly disheveled Patton standing in front of him. Virgil was slightly taken aback.

 

“Um, Patton? Are you okay?” He made a sweeping gesture of Pat’s messy hair and clothes.

 

Patton smiled. “Of course! I’m just having some trouble with some of my Physics homework.” It seemed to be more like a lot of trouble, though Verge didn’t blame him. Missing four days of school was going to be hard on anybody.

 

“Do you need help? I had physics last semester and got a pretty good grade in it.” Virgil didn’t mention he’d gotten 100 percents on every test, nor that he never missed an assignment due date or extra credit project.

 

“Oh! Sure, kiddo. That’d be very nice of you. Thanks.” Patton stepped out of the way and gestured inside his bedroom. The two took seats at Patton’s white desk and worked on trajectory and resistance problems until Pat’s dad had come to tell them that dinner was ready.

 


	6. Chapter 5

Virgil really hadn’t thought about the fact that Patton’s family would have dinner together every night when he’d agreed to stay with them, but here he was, sitting in their kitchen with a heaping plate of chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans as they talked about anything and everything. He absently ate his food, not really listening to their conversation. It felt like he was intruding even though they’d offered to take him in.

 

“So, Virgil. We hear you go to school with Patton. Do you have any classes with him?” Mrs. Shea asked. Virgil nearly choked on his food with the shock of being addressed so casually.

 

“Um, no. I don’t,” he responded quickly. He might’ve had some in the past, but high school was just one big blur to him. No use in keeping memories if there aren’t any to save.

 

“I see. Do you have any fun classes this semester? Pat’s taking child guidance and he really enjoys it!” Mr. Shea chimed in.

 

“I have Graphics III and a Theatre independent study where I basically make sure everything's running smoothly for the shows.” Virgil pushed the remaining food around on his plate, determined to not make an ass of himself in front of people he barely knew.

 

“You do theatre? Pat, isn’t Roman trying out for ‘Cinderella?’”  Mr. Shea seemed to be determined, too. However he was determined to ask as many questions possible.

 

“Of course he is! He’d never pass up an opportunity to be on stage, especially not if he can be a prince,” Patton said with a touch of platonic love in his voice. Verge was _s_ _hocked_ that Roman was trying out for the show. It’s not like the kid gave off a constant aura of drama or anything.

 

“I don’t act, just to be clear. I’m set designer and head of sound, so I deal with all of the sound effects and mics.” He’d  _never_ try out for a show. First, he had no interest to put himself on stage in a dumb costume in front of all of his peers and second, he really,  _really_ didn’t want to have to spend more time with the snobby actors if he didn’t have to.

 

“Well that’s fun!” Mrs. Shea said with a large smile. Virgil just nodded and took another bite of his mashed potatoes. The conversation luckily turned back to Patton’s other friends and Verge was able to enjoy his dinner in the comfort of the defocused static of voices.

* * *

 

Somehow Virgil did manage to finish all of his homework the next day and also help Patton finish his. The happy-go-lucky teenager seemed to have some trouble with the more technical subjects like physics but had absolutely no problem with the more creative ones like comm arts. That made sense to Virgil, however, since Patton was much more emotional than logical, channeling his emotions into whatever he did without really thinking it through as a step-by-step process.

 

Sunday night he went to sleep completely exhausted from the mentally-taxing work he’d done that day. At around midnight, however, he woke up to the sound of someone knocking on his door. Virgil grabbed his phone and turned on the flashlight, leaving it on his nightstand face down so it would partially illuminate his bedroom, and walked to the door. Unsurprisingly, Patton was on the other side, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and tears running down his face.

 

“Woah, Pat. Are you okay?” Virgil asked.

 

“I had a nightmare,” Patton softly cried. “It was really vivid and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

 

“Hey. It’s okay. I’m all good, see?” Verge patted himself on the cheeks as some sort of weird assurance. “Do you want to sleep in here? I’ll sleep on the floor and you can take my bed.” The crying boy shook his head.

 

“I don’t want you to have to give up your bed for me.  _I’ll_ sleep on the floor.” Patton made a move to go lay his blanket down but Virgil grabbed his shoulder.

 

“Okay, since you obviously aren’t going to make this easy for me, how about we just share the bed? There’s plenty of room for two people.” Virgil hesitated on that last part, still not completely comfortable with sharing a bed with someone he’d only met a week ago, but knew Patton wasn’t going to let him be uncomfortable. Pat just nodded and waddled to the side of the bed where the sheets weren’t disrupted and sat down. Virgil followed, but flopped himself down on his own side.

 

“G’night, Pat. Sleep well.” Verge turned off his phone’s flashlight and pulled the covers over his ear.

 

“Good night.”

* * *

 

When Virgil’s alarm woke him up at 6:30, he found himself with an arm on his waist and his legs tangled with someone else’s. He yelped and accidentally threw himself off of the bed, legs still partially on the mattress. It took him a few minutes to realize who was in the bed and why they were there, though that still didn’t explain why he’d ended up entangled with Patton.

 

He sighed and did a backwards somersault to right himself and stood. It probably would be appropriate to wake Patton up so he wouldn’t end up late to school. He sleepily traversed to the other side of the bed and began gently shaking his friend.

 

“Pat,” Virgil whispered. “Patton, it’s time to get up.” The still-asleep Patton groaned but rolled over, shielding his eyes from the sun filtering through the blinds. It took a little more shaking to actually get him out of the bed, but it was eventually done.

 

“I’m gonna go take a shower and get changed, so I suppose you should do the same,” Virgil said as he went to gather some clothes from his suitcase and walked into his own personal en-suite bathroom. Still pretty fancy.

 

Verge took a short shower, though slightly longer than his average because he needed to wash his hair, and got changed, smudging some dark eyeshadow under his eyes. He pulled on a pair of socks and laced up his favorite black high tops, being careful not to get any of his skinny jeans stuck inside. That was an uncomfortable mistake he’d learned to avoid after one fateful day.

 

He left his room at the same time Patton did, who was wearing another light-blue polo and a grey cardigan tied around his waist. Any signs of his nightmare had been completely washed away.

 

“Hey, kiddo! Your outfit looks awesome!” Pat had a giant smile on his face.

 

“Uh, thanks… Your… shoes… look good?” Virgil didn’t know if he was supposed to return the compliment, so he tried. It didn’t work too well.

 

“Thanks! Let’s head downstairs and get some breakfast.” The duo made their way down the stairs and into the kitchen, where Mrs. Shea was waiting with scrambled eggs and toast.

 

“If either of you need more food, I put the extras in the fridge in the red Tupperware container.” Mrs. Shea walked out of the kitchen, though Virgil had no idea to where. He still had no idea what other rooms were in the house besides the kitchen and his and Pat’s bedrooms. Obviously his parents had a bedroom, but it wasn’t upstairs.

 

Each of the boys took a plate of food and sat down at the kitchen table. Virgil began to munch on his plain toast and messed around on his phone. For a few minutes, the only sounds in the kitchen were crunching toast and silverware on ceramic.

 

“How did you sleep, Verge?” Patton asked before shoving a giant forkful of eggs into his mouth. Virgil could see how Roman described Pat as a “food vacuum” while they were in the hospital.

 

“Pretty good. How about you--after your nightmare, of course?” Virgil took the final bite of his toast and began on his own eggs.

 

“I slept great!” Patton replied, but his voice became slightly more sheepish. “Thanks for letting me stay in your room.”

 

“Don’t worry about it, Pat,” the other reassured. It truly wasn’t a bother to Virgil; he’d slept better than he had in a long time. He switched off his phone to retain his full attention on his friend.

 

“Well, still. Thanks.” Patton glanced down at his watch. “We should probably finish up eating soon. Logan and Roman should be here soon to pick us up.”

 

Virgil nodded and scooped some more eggs into his mouth. It only took him another minute to finish and hand his plate to Patton, who had already began to rinse the dishes and load them into the dishwasher. Verge ran upstairs and grabbed his backpack and made sure all of his homework and supplies were packed before bringing the whole thing down. Patton did the same and the two walked outside to sit on the porch and talk until the beat-up Intrepid pulled into the driveway blasting “A Girl Worth Fighting For.” Virgil couldn’t help but burst out laughing at the sight of Roman dramatically singing along and Logan’s “I am so fucking done with your shit” expression.

 

It was going to be a really great day.


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is just giving me a ton of shit so please bear with me while I try to fix it (aka the text convo at the end like what the fuck man I just wanna upload this)

Before he piled into the back of the car, Virgil pulled his headphones out of his bag and put them over his ears. He didn’t need a sensory overload at 7:30 in the morning just because the Disney Prince didn’t have any volume control. Like at all.

 

“Wow, Roman! I like the new look; the bomber jacket really makes the whole thing work,” Patton complimented with his normal enthusiasm. Roman turned in his seat to look back at Pat and Virgil could see what he meant. Instead of his normal clean face, he’d put on gold shimmery eyeshadow and red lipstick. Verge hated to admit it, but he looked _really_ good.

 

A few minutes into the ride, Virgil felt a light tap on his shoulder. He turned to Patton, who was obviously the giver of the ‘pat’ with raised eyebrows.

 

 _Are you okay?_ Patton mouthed and gestured to his ears to simulate headphones.

 

 _Yeah. No need to be overstimulated so early._ Virgil mouthed back with a gesture to Roman, who was still singing along to various Disney songs. Patton just nodded and went back to conversing, or _trying_ to converse, with Logan.

 

The car arrived at Westview High at exactly 7:45, giving each of the students plenty of time to do what they needed before class started at eight. Patton and Virgil went to the office together to drop of their absence notes and then parted ways to go to their lockers.

 

Verge walked approximately twenty feet to his locker that was in the exact same hallway as the office and dropped off his backpack and grabbed his Graphic Arts portfolio and pencil case. He shoved his phone into his hoodie pocket and plugged in his headphones, letting the incredibly soft sounds of Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, and Green Day fill his ears as he walked pretty much to the opposite end of the school for first block.

 

The dark-clad teenager had hoped he would fly under the weather, but the instant he walked into the graphic arts room his teacher ambushed him.

 

“Virgil! I got your email, but what landed you in the _hospital_ for _three days_?” Mrs. Miller asked. Verge nearly dropped his binder due to the pure shock of being spoken to so suddenly. He ripped off his headphones and put a hand to his chest.

 

“First of all, don’t jump out like that,” he said as he made sure all of his bandages were hidden under his sleeves. “Second… I, uh… had a, uh, really bad… allergy… attack. Like, hives all over my body and face. I had to get allergy testing and stuff and I was on constant antihistamines for three days.” The story was definitely not very believable, and Virgil could see in Mrs. Miller’s eyes that she didn’t believe him at all.

 

“Sure. Anyway, we’re going to be working on banners or helping clean the lab, so you can choose either since I know you’re probably almost done with your banner. Or you are done, which wouldn’t be surprising.” Virgil nodded and headed to the back, tying one of the ink-covered aprons around his waist and began to spray Bug Juice onto one of the many barely used rags laying around the shop. Seriously, did nobody know that rags can be used a multitude of times and should only be swapped out for clean ones when they were just disposing product back onto the object you were cleaning? [For clarification, “bug juice” is a casual way to reference the oil-based solvent used for most screen and offset printing inks that are oil based. It’ll probably be referred to as solvent or blanket wash in the future, so this is just a little printing lesson for you guys]

 

Verge slipped his headphones on and cleaned three screens and a few pallet knives in a blissful bubble of music. His cathartic cleaning session, however, came to a quick end when he had cleaned everything in the shop in just under an hour, leaving him thirty minutes to actually have to work. To be completely honest, he wasn’t upset by that, but he didn’t have much to do for his music festival banner. His design was simple and elegant without a lot of intense design elements.

 

* * *

 

Without any surprise, it took him only five minutes to put finishing touches on his banner. He sighed and sent it to the color printer. Might as well turn it in if he’s done, right? Virgil trudged to the printer and took out the streaky mess. The printer, luckily, had been having problems with colored bars randomly showing up on people’s prints, and his was not the exception. As well, it all happened right in the part with the smaller, thin lettering that named the bands.

 

“Hey, Mrs. Miller. Can I just send you a .pdf of the banner? The printer chewed up my design and spat it back out.” Virgil asked as he walked to his teacher’s office door and leaned on the door frame. She took a look at the paper he was holding up and sighed.

 

“Yeah, that’s fine. I _just_ called IT and had them fix the printer. That thing is a disaster.” Mrs. Miller shook her head and waved Virgil over. “Let me see your design.”

 

Virgil hesitated but stepped forward, dropping the paper on her desk and shuffling his hands up into his sleeves. Mrs. Miller looked over the paper and set it back on her desk.

 

“It’s pretty plain, Virgil. Like, it certainly meets all of the criteria for the project and is definitely good enough to be a 100%, but what happened to your almost over-the-top designs. This is… bland. Pretty, don’t get me wrong, but bland.” The teen felt the blood rush from his body in one fell swoop. He hadn’t wanted to let her down, he just thought that it fit the aesthetic of the festival better. But at the same time, he thought back to his past few designs, and was disappointed with the results. She was right; his designs were no longer bold and creative and had become safe and soft.

 

“I… I’m sorry. You’re right, it’s really bland. I’ll go redesign it. Just--yeah.” Virgil swung around and made a motion to leave when Mrs. Miller called after him. He stopped in his tracks but didn’t turn around.

 

“Virgil. It’s _fine_. I don’t want you to get upset about it. I’m just saying you haven’t been acting like yourself recently and it shows in your work. Art is full of emotion, so when the artist feels down, the art reflects that.”  Verge could feel her eyes burning into the back of his head, feeding him with self-doubt and fear. He had wanted to hide his feelings better--that was his responsibility, even. Feelings hurt others, he wanted to keep everyone else safe while he suffered. Hot pain ran through his veins at the same time as icy cold. He needed an escape.

 

The teen nodded and walked out of the office and sat back down in front of his computer. He went to text Patton, but realized he hadn’t asked for his number. That just added to his anxiety; how would he be able to meet up with Pat and the others after school to get a ride home? The panic began to rise up his chest until he couldn’t bear it anymore. With all of the false calm he could muster, Virgil asked Mrs. Miller if he could to go to the bathroom, to which she obviously said yes.

 

He practically ran to the bathroom even though it was only a few yards down the hall and locked himself into the farthest stall. Virgil sunk to the ground against the wall and let his tears run freely. This wasn’t supposed to be difficult. He had at least one friend now, and that friend was incredible and nice and caring, not to mention far more caring than anyone had been to him in his life. And he was living with Patton and his equally-as-nice family who gave him a really wonderful room and fed him and took care of him like he’d always been a part of their family.

 

Virgil rolled up his sleeve and began to harshly rub his forearm where there were no bandages. He needed to relieve the icy hot pain he felt. He needed it _OUT_. His mind was racing, going to conclusions that didn’t even make sense, until he lost track of time. The bell for the next period might have rang, but he had no idea. Looking down at his arm, Virgil realized he’d rubbed his skin completely raw and shiny. He felt like a failure. He’d made it, what, all of five days without self harm just to break it over a stupid banner design that he was going to get a good grade on anyway.

 

Shaky hands dug the phone out of his pocket and turned it on. Patton… Patton… Patton Shea! That was his name. Virgil shakily typed out Pat’s name into the google search bar and scrolled through the results, trying to find any of Patton’s social media. He clicked on the fifth link and practically cried with relief at the discovery of Patton’s Instagram. It’d been updated… Yesterday. Good; that meant he used it often. And, by the look of it, he replied almost immediately to comments, so he probably had notifications on. Verge opened the account in the Instagram app and clicked on the DM button and typed out a message.

 

 **vintage-misery to patton-cake24** [Read at 9:15 am]

pat i ‘m in t he ba t hroom by teh grph cs romo i’m havnig a panic attackk hlep vriigl

 

 **patton-cake24 to vintage-misery** [Delivered at 9:15 am]

It’s okay, Verge. I’ll be there in a few minutes, just hang tight and I’m gonna help you. It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.

 

Virgil put his phone back into his pocket (or at least he thought he put it back in his pocket, it might’ve just been disposed of on the floor) and tried to calm himself down at least marginally until Patton came. It didn’t really work. A set of footsteps echoed off of the tile walls of the bathroom and Virgil covered his mouth, not wanting anybody to hear.

 

“Verge? You in here? It’s just me, kiddo. Everything’s okay.” Patton’s voice was hesitant, obviously not sure if he was in the right place. Virgil reached up and unlocked the stall door to let Pat in. “Oh thank goodness.”

 

Tears immediately began to roll down Virgil’s face again. “I-I’m sorry. IreallyfuckedupandIcouldn’tevenmakeitaweekwithouthurtingmyselfI’msuchafuckingfailurePattonwhatdoIdo?” Patton closed the stall door and kneeled in front of his panicking friend.

 

“Hey, it’s okay. Any recovery comes with relapse, okay? You’re not a failure, you’re just healing.” Pat’s voice was soft and soothing. “Is it okay if I touch you?”

 

Virgil nodded and Patton took his hands from his face and held them gently. “What is your name?”

 

“I--what?” the crying teenager asked.

 

“What’s your name?” Patton repeated.

 

“V-Virgil.”

 

“Good. Now, what color is your sweatshirt?”

 

“Grey.”

 

“Awesome. You’re doing great. Do I wear glasses?”

 

“Y-yeah. You do.”

 

“Good. Really good. Now follow my counting. Four beats in, seven beats holding your breath, eight beats out. One, two…”

 

It only took a few minutes to get Virgil back to a stable state through breathing exercises and rhythmic hand squeezes. Patton had a big smile on his face.

 

“That was so good, kiddo! I’m really proud of you,” Patton encouraged. The sound of the bell rang through the bathroom dully and Virgil rushed to stand up. Pat forced him back down.

 

“I know I just said that was good, but you definitely aren’t in any sort of condition to be rushing around in crowded hallways yet. We’re going to stay here and make sure you’re a-okay before we leave. I’m going to get you a pass to your next class, okay? I’ll be right back; don’t move.” Patton released his grip on Verge’s hands and stood up, swiftly striding out of the bathroom. He returned only a minute later with two yellow slips, Virgil’s graphics supplies, and a few tissues. Pat gently wiped the tears away from his friend’s face, making sure not to smear any of the makeup under his eyes.

 

“Patton…” Virgil didn’t have the words to say what he was feeling. He was sorry for dragging Pat into this mess, but even more sorry for failing to not harm himself for even an entire week.

 

“Hey, it’s okay. Now, let me see where you’re hurt so it doesn’t get any worse,” Patton ordered, though it was more caring than harsh. Verge held his left arm out and rolled up the sleeve of his hoodie. A patch of skin about the size of Pat’s hand was rubbed completely raw just above the bandages wrapping Virgil’s forearm. Patton pulled a roll of gauze he’d taken from the Child Guidance room and began to unroll it. The gauze wouldn’t exactly help heal the wound, but it would prevent unnecessary pain from the sweatshirt rubbing over it.

 

Once he was done, Patton sat down beside Virgil and began to speak. “Do you think you could tell me what made you feel so anxious? It’s okay if you can’t, but it’ll help if we know what to avoid in the future.”

 

“Okay, well,” Virgil started. “God, this is so stupid. I shouldn’t have even panicked about it but my graphics teacher, Mrs. Miller, is really nice and stuff and she likes my work. So, naturally, she starts to notice that my designs are becoming less me and are bland and boring. Like, still great designs, but just without the usual feeling in them. And this has been going on for a while, pretty much ever since March when I started to get extremely depressed and anxious. And today I gave her my latest design for a project we were doing and she told me that it was uninspired and boring, which it was but that’s not the point, and she wasn’t impressed with my work anymore and it just started to get into my skin that she knew that I was super depressed and that now it was a big deal. As well, I felt like a giant failure for my designs being lame and I just. It’s stupid. Nevermind.” The teen leaned forward to rest his head on his knees. He felt so tired.

 

Patton spoke up after a moment. “No feelings are stupid, kiddo. I’m sure it was really hard on you to hear what your teacher said, but she obviously just cares about you just like I do. Next project you’re just going to have to channel your emotions into whatever you’re making and I’m sure it’ll turn out great. You’re not a failure in anyone’s eyes, especially not mine.” Virgil felt his friend’s arms slither around his waist and awkwardly hug him. A little smile crept on his face from the very Patton gesture.

 

They sat in the bathroom stall like that for another couple of minutes before they decided they were good enough to get back to class.

 

“Give me your phone so you won’t have to find my Instagram again,” Pat said and held out his hand until Virgil’s phone was placed into his hand. Patton quickly typed his number into Virgil’s phone and sent a text to himself.

 

Virgil

Delivered at 8:35 am

hey

 

Patton

Read at 8:35 am

Hey Verge!

 

Virgil

Delivered at 8:35 am

patton was that really necessary to reply to your own text to yourself

 

Patton

Read at 8:36 am

Yes it was. Now let’s get to class.

 

Virgil rolled his eyes and slipped his phone back into his pocket. The pair walked out of the bathroom and went their separate ways.

 


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ao3 please I love you but god damn am I struggling with formatting

Virgil

Sent at 11:30 am

um, hey pat. where do you guys sit for lunch?

 

Virgil stood awkwardly at the side of the cafeteria trying to scan the crowd for familiar flashes of blue, but found none. He’d barely made it through advisement and second block in one piece, his teachers berating him with questions on where he’d been and then, consequently, how he’d gotten into the hospital. He was anxious to see his friend.

 

“Hey, Virgil!” a voice cheerily said behind him. Verge whipped around and found Roman and Logan standing with expectant faces. 

 

“Oh my god, you guys scared the shit out of me! A little warning would be appreciated next time.” Virgil gestured with his lunch tray angrily at the pair of friends.

 

“We’re very sorry, Virgil. Patton told us to look for you once we’d gotten to the cafeteria so you wouldn’t get lost, but obviously you were faster than us. We’ll show you to the table,” Logan explained and headed toward a lunch table in the far corner, away from all of the commotion.

 

“Verge! Are you feeling better?” Pat greeted as they walked up. He cleared a space beside himself for Virgil, while Logan and Roman sat across from them.

 

“Um, I guess.” Virgil slid his tray onto the table and awkwardly maneuvered himself so he was sitting on the bench.

 

“What’s wrong? Are you feeling ill?” Logan questioned, concern flashing on his face. Verge opened his mouth to reply, but Patton spoke up.

 

“He’s had a kinda bad day since he missed so much school last week, Lo. Verge’s totally okay health-wise, don’t worry,” Patton assured, patting Virgil on the head. The receiver of the pat groaned softly but gave a small smile to his friend. Pat just had this aura that made Virgil feel calm.

 

“Well, I hope your day gets better, Halloween Town,” Roman commented as he took a bite of his sandwich, careful not smudge any of his lipstick.

 

“Additional affirmation.” Virgil just nodded at their sentiments and stirred the cream and tan gloop on his tray. It was actually his favorite school lunch, mashed potatoes with turkey and gravy, but it looked (and often smelled) like hot vomit. He stabbed the soupy meal and took a bite. When Verge looked up from his food, he found the other three staring at him.

 

“Um… What’s up, guys?” He asked, suddenly self conscious. A beat passed before Roman spoke.

 

“You… electively eat that stuff?” The dramatic teen pointed at the wilted lettuce and mashed potatoes on the red lunch tray with disgust.

 

Virgil nodded slowly. “Yeah? I mean, I don’t usually have the stuff to make my own lunch, and I’ve been eating school lunches for the past eleven-ish years, so I’m mostly desensitized to it. It’s fucking gross, but it’s food at least.” He punctuated his point by taking another bite of the glop. Logan paled.

 

“That cannot have any nutritional value. It’s all starches and fake meat; there’s barely any protein in the meat substitute they use, since it’s much cheaper that way! I mean, it’s practically criminal to be feeding that to children, especially since they need all of the nutrition they can get to grow.” Logan ran his hands through his hair in distress and dug around in his paper lunch bag. “Here! At least eat this soup that has  _ actual meat _ .” 

 

Virgil hesitantly took the blue and black thermos and unscrewed the lid. Inside there was a pretty decent amount of what looked like chicken noodle soup. “Uh, thanks, Logan. But I don’t have-”

 

Lo held out a plastic spoon. Ah. Verge took that as well and began to eat. It was  _ way _ better than the lunch he’d bought. He idly listened to the others as they talked about their classes and what they planned on doing after school. He heard something about maybe going to a park, though Virgil wasn’t really sure if they meant a playground or one where you could bike around and go swimming.

 

“So what do you think, Verge?” Patton asked, making him jump.

 

“What do I think about what?” He admittedly had stopped listening a while ago and was now just drinking from his water bottle and staring at his lunch tray.

 

“Would you like to go to a party at the Westview park tonight? A few of our friends planned a pretty fantastic idea where they transform the picnic area into a mystical wonderland and we all can have dinner together,” Roman explained, using vivid hand gestures and almost hitting Logan in the face at one point.

 

Virgil scrunched up his nose, weighing the pros and cons. “I dunno, guys. I don’t know any of your friends and wouldn’t that be intruding on your fun?”

 

“Of course not, kiddo! I’m sure Valerie and Jo and everyone else would love to meet you! Especially Talyn; they have a very similar style to you.” Patton’s voice was encouraging, but Verge still wasn’t sure.

 

“Let me think about it for a bit. I’ll let you know tonight.” He got up to dump his tray and arrived back at the table just as the lunch bell rang. The four friends said their goodbyes and went their separate ways.

 

\---

The rest of the day passed pretty painlessly. Virgil finished all of his homework in class and even had extra time to spare. He texted Patton to stop his boredom.

 

Virgil

Read at 1:10 pm

pat I finished all of my homework what should i do?

 

Patton

Delivered at 1:11 pm

You could do some doodling! That’s always a fun pastime for me when I’m bored in class. 

 

Virgil looked down at his papers that were filled with designs for letterheads for Pat, Logan, and Roman.

 

Virgil

Read at 1:13 pm

uhhhh yeah i kinda already filled up three pages with doodles

 

Patton

Delivered at 1:13 pm

Okay, well, are you listening to music?

 

Virgil

Read at 1:14 pm

yeah i’m listening to [my playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/buddywillow/playlist/2Xum8a2PG7nvkY2S9wbVch). any other ideas

 

Patton

Delivered at 1:16 pm

Doodle some more?

 

Virgil

Read at 1:17 pm

yeah okay i’ll try that again, pat :)

\---

Later that evening, after Logan had dropped them off at Patton’s house, Virgil and Pat were lounging on the black comforter in the former’s bedroom listening to music and helping each other with various things for school. Patton was still extremely confused about physics.

 

“Alright. You got these force and acceleration questions good, but I don’t think these friction questions are quite right,” Virgil pointed out the minor flaws in the calculations with a pencil and then walking his friend through the problem step by step.

 

“Ohhhhhhh. That makes a lot more sense.” Pat looked over the paper and flipped his notebook shut, clearly done with homework for the day. “So, have you thought about the party at all?”

 

Virgil sighed. He’d hoped Patton would’ve forgotten that they’d invited him to come along so he wouldn’t have to disappoint him. “Uh, yeah, about that…”

 

Patton’s face fell ever so slightly, though he still had a smile on his face. “It’s okay if you don’t want to go. We just thought you would enjoy it. Logan’s going to be picking me up soon, so I should probably start getting ready.” He stood up and began to head for the bedroom door.

 

“Actually, I would like to go,” Virgil rushed before he could even think about what he was saying. He really needed better self control.

 

“Really? That’s awesome! You don’t really have to dress up, but we’re having a bit of a fantasy theme, so you can do whatever you’d like with that. I’m just going to put some glitter in my hair.” Virgil perked up at the idea of dressing up. 

 

“Um, Pat, if you want me to do some makeup on you, I can. I’m not that great but I can put some glittery eyeshadow and stuff on your face,” he offered, already planning what he’d do for himself.

 

“That’d be great, kiddo. I’ll be right back, I want to grab a different sweater.” When Patton returned, he was wearing a black jumper with little shimmery strands of thread woven into it. He truly looked magical.

 

Virgil rounded up the little bits of makeup that’d been taken from his house and sat Pat at the end of his bed, swinging his desk chair around and sitting in front of his friend. He first applied eye primer and then began to pat on different glittery shades of purple and blue and smoking them out with a little bit of black. Then he applied the same shadows under Patton’s eyes and gave him just a bit of mascara (Patton wouldn’t sit still for that part and Virgil just gave up on trying). He dusted a bunch of white shimmery eyeshadow to the highlight points and swiped deep blue “lipstick” onto his lips and set that with a similar colored eyeshadow.

 

Verge leaned back to admire his work. “Pat, you look absolutely glittery.” A smile spread across his friend’s face as he began to bounce lightly on the bed

 

“LetmeseeletmeseeVirgilletmesee!” Patton squealed. He obliged, handing him a little compact mirror and watched with warmth in his heart as Pat looked in awe at himself.

 

“Are you going to do yourself next? Oooo, can I watch?” Patton inquired, looking more excited than ever. Virgil nodded and began to apply makeup to himself. He chose a darker look, applying deep purple and black to his eyes and expertly drawing a sharp wing with eyeliner. His lips were colored with a matching purple and he swiped some glittery lavender eyeshadow on his cheekbones. Raising his eyebrows, Virgil looked to Pat for his opinion.

 

“Virgilohmygoodnessyoulookabsolutelyfantastic!” Patton held his hands over his face in a childish but sweet gesture.

 

“Aww, thanks, Pat.” Virgil smiled brightly and stood up, padding his way to where he’d thrown all of his shoes, and chose a pair of black high tops that had secret heels in them. It was just the little touch of femininity that his outfit needed to tie everything together. He slipped on a black beanie that he’d also thrown into the shoe pile and sat back down beside the still-gawking Patton.

 

“You good, dude? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost,” Virgil commented. Patton aggressively threw his arms around Virgil, tackling him onto the bed.

 

“ _I’M JUST SO PROUD OF YOU! YOU LOOK SO CONFIDENT AND I’M PROUD OF THAT!_ ” Verge laughed and awkwardly tried to return the hug-tackle.

 

“Okay, Patton. I get it. Now can you please stop half-laying on top of me?” Patton just hugged him harder.


	9. Chapter 8

Uproarious laughter burst out of Patton and Virgil as soon as they saw Logan standing in the driveway, leaning on his car. The usually sharply dressed teen was covered from head to toe in pink glitter, though the sparkly flakes did nothing to hide the irritated expression and folded arms.

 

“Yes, I get it. I look like a fairy threw up on me, okay? Roman decided it’d be fun to throw a metric ton of glitter onto me,” Logan growled and looked through the window to glare at the beaming Roman. “Just get in the car.”

 

The laughing duo made slid into their seats in tandem with Logan sitting back in the driver’s seat. They all buckled their seatbelts and began their short journey to Westview Park. Roman shifted around and looked at his friends’ “costumes.”

 

“Patton, you look wonderful! I love the colors! And Jack Skellington, you look very… sparkly today. It suits you,” Ro complimented. He had an equally sparkly look on his face, though his were all pinks and golds.

 

“Aww, kiddo! All the praise should go to Verge, though. He’s the one who did all the work.” Patton gestured to where Virgil was sitting to his left.

 

“It’s… It’s not really that big of a deal, Pat.” Virgil was glad the foundation he had on covered the light blush that spread across his face. Roman, however, looked extremely affronted.

 

“Don’t say that, Virgil! Your skills are fantastic!”

 

Virgil crinkled his nose and turned to look out the window. “What… ever…”

 

Patton and Roman began a very passionate discussion about how excited they were for the party with Logan interjecting every so often to correct their word usage. Virgil’s mind wandered, going over all of the possible outcomes of the night’s party. He hadn’t actually thought over everything that could happen and now his anxiety was steadily increasing, quickening his breath. The sudden stopping of the car jerked him out of his train of thought, bringing him back to the present.

 

As soon as Virgil stepped out of the car, a giant, grainy weight was dumped onto him. Tiny specks of pink glitter rained from his shoulders and down his face.

 

“Are you _kidding me_?”  he shouted, whirling to his left to give the grinning Roman a frustrated look.

 

“Oh, come on, Cinderella. It’s just a bit of glitter. It won’t hurt you!” a dramatic gesture was performed in front of Virgil, which only added to his rage.

 

“This shit is going to be lining my clothes for _weeks_! How am I supposed to keep up my ‘don’t talk to me’ look if I have flecks of pink shimmery plastic everywhere?” Verge stalked away before he could get an answer, deciding a bit of space from Glinda the Good would be good for his nerves.

 

Quickly, though, Patton caught up with the glitter-covered teen. “Hey, kiddo. Are you okay? Sometimes Ro doesn’t think things all the way through before he acts.” Virgil sighed and shook some of the glitter from his hair.

 

“I’m fine, it’s just… I don’t know, there’s a lot of people that are going to be here that I don’t know and I was already freaking out about what they’ll think of me and now I’m coated in glitter. My anxiety was already bad, but now it’s just gotten worse,” explained Verge. He hated the way his voice shook as he spoke, the way it symbolized his blatant weakness.

 

“Hey, it’ll be okay. Don’t forget that Logan is also very glittery at the moment, Verge. Plus, our friends aren’t going to judge you for one of Roman’s pranks! They’ve been on your end, too,” Patton assured as he wrapped his arm around Virgil’s shoulders, giving him a light squeeze.

 

“Pat! Who’s the new friend? Did Roman throw glitter on them?” a light voice called from ahead.

 

“Valerie, hey! This is Virgil. He’s the newest addition to the famILY,” Patton replied before whispering to Verge. “I think you’re really going to like her; she’s super bubbly and ni--”

 

Before Pat could finish his sentence, he was suddenly tackled away from Virgil by a small body with pink and blue hair. “Talyn! Oh my goodness. It's been too long since we’ve hung out. Look at your hair!”

 

Virgil stood in awe at the commotion all around him. Everyone here were such good friends… And then there was him. All alone and knowing that he truly didn't belong here. God, it had been so _stupid_ to accept the party invitation.

 

“Hello, Virgil,” Logan greeted as he walked up to Virgil, stopping right next to him in his glitter-covered glory. “I see you're not much for the excitement either.”

 

“I, uh… yeah. It's a little bit too much for me.” Virgil awkwardly coughed, punctuating his sentence with a sharp nod.

 

“Don't worry. This will all be over soon and then we can all get to actually making regular conversation instead of dealing with pleasantries.”

 

“Uh, yeah…” Virgil said with confused nod, though Logan had already walked away to talk with someone in an orange beanie.

 

Without any good reason to still be standing in the middle of the grass, Verge made his way to the nearest pavilion and sat down. He slipped his phone out of his pocket and began to click around, not actually doing anything of meaning. Virgil felt so out of place, the stifling isolation consuming him. And then he suddenly couldn't breathe.

 

This wasn't the normal hyperventilation, this was overpowering and rendered him a gasping mess. Barely any air was entering Virgil’s body, and what was felt like sharp fire was spreading through his lungs. He could feel lis chest tightening and his heart working to try and get _something_ to happen.

 

A set of hands grabbed him lightly, one on his left shoulder and the other laying softly right over his heart. “I need you to follow me. Breathe in through your nose for four counts,” a gentle tapping beat thumped on his chest.

 

_One, two, three, four._

 

“And hold for seven.”

 

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven._

 

“And release for eight through your mouth.”

 

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight._

 

Each breath was dreadfully painful, but after a few cycles it was back to a fairy normal rate. Talyn--or at least that's what he thought they were called--had been the one to notice him and go through the exercise with him. He was infinitely grateful for them.

 

“There you go. You did great, Virgil. That was a really bad attack you were having; are you okay? Do I need to get Logan to drive you back home?” Talyn asked, stepping back and dropping their hands at their sides. They had a concerned expression on their face; one that rivaled even Patton’s.

 

“I, uh… I think I'll be okay.” Each few words were punctuated with a sharp cough. _Fuck, that hurt_.

 

Talyn gave him a knowing look, but didn’t press any further. As Talyn walked away, Patton ran up to Virgil and flung himself onto the bench.

 

“Are you--” a fit of coughs from Verge cut off Pat’s worrying. “That answers that. Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling anxious? We could’ve gone somewhere away from the crowd for a little to calm you down.”

 

Virgil ducked his head sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his neck. “You seemed like you were having so much fun with your friends and I didn’t want to bother you.”

 

“You’d never bother me! Especially when you’re not feeling great, Verge. I’m not mad at you for not telling me, but next time just tell me.” Patton spoke softly, making sure not to overwhelm the anxious teen sitting next to him. Virgil had dealt with enough for one day, he didn’t need an angry Patton on his plate, too.

 

“I, uh, yeah. I’ll do that,” Verge mumbled, leaning in gently and resting his head on Patton’s shoulder. They sat like that for a long while, comfortably enjoying the low murmuring of nearby voices, until Virgil finally felt calm.


	10. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE IS SOME GRAPHIC SHIT IN THIS CHAPTER AS WELL AS SOME HOMOPHOBIC LANGUAGE! PLEASE USE CAUTION WHILE READING!  
> I would also advise you to read “Exes and ‘Oh’s” because it gives a bit of backstory as to the boys’ pasts!

It took a while, but eventually the idea of going and conversing with the others began to warm up to Virgil. Patton had wrapped his arm around Virgil’s waist and held him close, grounding the anxious teen and giving him small bits of courage. Soon, they stood up and and ventured to the main pavilion and introduced Virgil to the other people he hadn’t met yet. There was Jo, who had a really cool cut down the middle makeup look on his face, and Joan, who did the most ridiculous impressions, and Terrence, who was the biggest ball of energy in such a small body.

It truly was enjoyable for Virgil to meet new people for once. Years of being almost completely alone, save for a few friends here and there and his ex-boyfriend, had turned him almost completely solitary. At the party, he still clung to Patton like a child hangs on to their parent in unfamiliar situations, but he did feel a little more included in the group. When Virgil began to tense up, Patton would place his hand gently on his back to provide a tether to cling on.

After two hours of eating and chatting, the party was over. Patton, Logan, and Roman offered to stay after and help clean up, but Talyn shooed the boys away, saying something about how they didn’t need any help. Virgil knew it was because they wanted him home ASAP after that panic attack, which he didn’t mind. He was tired and wanted to wash all of this makeup off and hopefully shower to expel most of the glitter from his body. One day Roman would pay for this pink glitter catastrophe, but that was a whole other train of thought.

Patton and Virgil were dropped off at their house just before midnight. Both of the boys got ready for bed and Verge was just _this_ close to falling asleep when Patton softly knocked on his door.

Virgil groaned and rolled over. “Yeah, Pat? What’s up?”

The door softly clicked open and the soft hall lights filtered in, giving Patton a light yellow glow. He entered quietly and sat on the desk chair, just barely visible in the low light.

“I, uh, just wanted to say thank you for coming to the party tonight. And also to apologize for your panic attack. I shouldn’t have let myself get swept away when obviously you needed some extra support in a completely new environment.” His voice was hushed and sweet, but a touch of regret wove through his words.

“Oh, Pat. It’s okay. It wasn’t even your fault that we got separated!” Virgil assured, propping himself onto his elbows.

There was a beat of silence before Patton’s voice rang through the room. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Verge smiled, though it probably couldn’t be seen by Pat. “I’m sure, Patton.”

Patton nodded quickly and left, but not before giving Virgil a small thumbs up. Soon, both of the boys were asleep and the harshness of the day was long behind them

\---

The next week passed by smoothly. Virgil had a grand total of just three panic attacks (and Patton had come to help with each one) and hadn’t relapsed once. He was really proud of himself, as was Patton, and he just felt _better_ about himself. It was liberating to have actual friends, though Roman and Logan were still more acquaintances than anything, to talk to and hang out with. He’d even persuaded Logan to join crew!

And then that fateful Monday, May first to be exact, everything came crumbling down. It seemed as if everything bad in the word just happened to fall on a Monday. That just made Monday’s even more dreadful.

Virgil’s day had started off like normal. He’d woken up, gotten ready, eaten breakfast with Patton, and then went to school. It was ridiculously mundane. It was in second block, however, when the not-so-normal things began to happen.

“Virgil Thomas to Office A, please,” the voice on the speaker crackled. _Fuck, what did I do now?_

His teacher gestured at him to leave and take his stuff, so he did. It only took him a few seconds to get to the office since it was just down the hall from his math room, so he took his time, lingering at the drinking fountain for a bit before continuing. Standing in front of the glass windows was none other than his dad’s “secretary” (he knew she was nothing but a cheap fuck, but his dad insisted he call her by her quote-unquote job title).

“Hey, Virgil. Your dad is back in town and wanted me to let you know,” Nathalie cooed in her irritating voice. It sounded like sandpaper on ceramic plates.

“Why didn’t he just text me? He knows I keep my phone on me at all times.” Virgil knew he sounded bitter, but he didn’t care at this point.

“He’s been very busy lately.” _yeah, probably doing you._ “He hasn’t been able to find a time to take a break from work to text you.”

_Work, that was hysterical._

“Right. Well, I’m going to go back to class now, Nathalie. Bye!” He spun around on his heel and began to walk away when she cut him off.

“Oh, and your father wants you to have dinner with him tonight.” _Fucking great._

“Um, I actually had plans with a friend tonight,” Virgil rushed, dancing carefully around his current living arrangements and schedule.

“Why don’t you invite them over? I’m sure your father would _love_ to meet them!” Sure he would! Just like he was excited to meet Virgil’s boyfriend or any of his other friends when he’d brought them over.

“Sure. I’ll ask him.” He was never going to be able to get out about this, so he might as well try to get Patton to come along and soften the blow. Virgil walked to the bathroom instead of to his room, sitting in the nearest stall with his head in his hands.

\---

“How do I look, Verge?” Patton modeled the black dress pants and blue polo get up he had on. His grey cardigan was actually on him, instead of hanging off of his shoulders.

“Great! I don’t think Dad’ll have anything bad to say about that.” Virgil was so worried about his dad ripping the happy-go-lucky boy to absolute shreds. Mr. Thomas wasn’t the nicest or most accepting person. Like at all. And any way he could protect his friend, he would.

“Awesome. Now, what are you wearing?” Patton’s question was innocent, but sent a small wave of anxiety through Virgil’s body.

“Uh, black jeans, some dress shoes, and a black jumper.” He’d worn this many times in front of his dad and not once had he ridiculed his fashion choices as he did with everything else he wore.

Already, Virgil had wiped off all of his makeup and styled his hair out of its floppy fringe into a clean-cut look that could’ve rivaled the poise of Logan’s in preparation for the visit to see his dad. Any bandages that might have disrupted his appearance were removed, all scars were covered with foundation, and evidence of doing anything but schoolwork was erased from his persona. Even his phone case had been switched out from the pretty galaxy case with the halloween Popsockets to the all black case with as much personality as a stick in the mud. It was absolutely dreadful.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll look fantastic, kiddo!”

_Yeah, maybe._

\---

“Alright, guys, have a good time! Just text me when you need to be picked up, Pat,” Mrs. Shea said before driving off, leaving Virgil and Patton stranded at the Thomas residence.

For once, the lights were on inside, giving the house the tiniest sense that it _wasn’t_ vacant. Verge wondered which one of his dad’s personal chefs would be cooking tonight. He hoped it was Mei, the wonderful chef from China. Her food was both fancy enough to meet Mr. Thomas’ standards, but was casual enough that Virgil didn’t feel completely out of his element.

The duo walked up to the front door and rang the bell, sending a custom chime echoing through the house. Almost instantly a mildly-disheveled Nathalie opened the door, grinning ridiculously widely.

“Virgil! Who’s your friend, here?” She greeted cheerfully, though it was obviously fake.

“Uh, this is Patton. He’s a friend from school,” Virgil paused for a moment before motioning at his mouth, mimicking wiping his face. “You’ve got a little… something… on your mouth, Nathalie.”

 _Gross._ He didn’t even want to think about what had been happening just moments before.

Nathalie wiped gently at her mouth with the back of her hand, being extra careful not to smudge her pristine red lipstick. Opening the door wider, she motioned the boys inside and closed the door behind them. Virgil led the way to the dining room, not even bothering to wait for Nathalie.

“Oh, Virgil, I didn’t realize you’d brought someone along,” _of course he hadn’t._ “Is this another one of your ‘boyfriends?’”

A pinched smile spread across Verge’s face. “No, dad. I’m not dating anyone. This is my school friend, Patton Shea.”

“Hey, Mr. Thomas. It’s a pleasure to meet you!” Patton’s happy voice lightened up the room’s atmosphere just the slightest amount, but it was incredible to Virgil.

“Virgil could take some fashion notes from you, Patton. He’s always wearing those stupid looking skinny jeans and t-shirts. You look quite impressive and professional for a teenager,” Mr. Thomas commented, adjusting his glasses and beginning to eat his food. Sadly, it wasn’t Chinese. Apparently the first dinner you’d have with your son in _months_ wouldn’t be complete without a giant French buffet complete with dessert.

“I--Thanks?” Pat stuttered, confused by the backhanded compliment. Virgil lead him to two chairs at the large table somewhat close to his dad, though far enough away to be considered non-familial.

The three ate in silence for a few minutes before Mr. Thomas spoke again. “So, Patton, what are you planning on doing after high school? Virgil said he wanted to be a graphic designer, but he’s probably going to take up the family business. Arts degrees are just a waste of time and money; better to strive to be successful first and not have to go back.”

Patton stiffened just slightly. “I was planning on going to school to be a therapist, though being a stay-at-home dad seems like a pretty good plan, too.”

“Psychology is an interesting subject, I’d have to agree. Now, Virgil, what did you say you wanted to focus on in school? Something with video making?”

“It was video game design. But I’m not going after that, anymore. It was a stupid fever dream.” None of the food on Virgil’s plate was making it to his mouth. It had been stirred into a gloopy mess. He already felt enough like shit and didn’t need his dad to be making him feel even worse.

“I’m going to go to the bathroom. Excuse me.” Verge pretty much jumped up and sprinted from the room and upstairs to the bathroom. Finally he could escape.

He locked the door behind him, thankful for the silence of the room. Virgil turned his head and looked at the reflection in the mirror. It looked nothing like him. The Virgil in the mirror was normal; he had no flaws and was the perfect son, with pristinely kept features. The real Virgil was anything but.

The real Virgil was a disappointment. He wanted to go into the arts, not business management. He had an attitude problem and some sort of “screw the man” policy that ended up getting him into more trouble that necessary, and yet he still didn’t change his ways. The real Virgil was an emotional mess, not knowing how to properly express himself except through suicide or self harm. He was pathetic and stupid and quite frankly “too gay to function,” as his dad would say. There was no place in this world for the real him. So on went this mask whenever his dad was around to try and deflect some of the sheer disgust he had for his son.

And that’s when he broke. Tears started to stream down his face and choked sobs ran through his body. He thought he’d been getting better, but who was he kidding. This was the same old Virgil who’d attempted suicide, what, _four times_. Yeah, that’s right. This goddamn dip-shit tried to kill himself four times. But thank _god_ he’d survived! The world obviously needed Virgil Thomas’ presence to keep it spinning.

He needed some way to escape reality, but of course he’d left his phone down at the table.

_Think, Virgil! There’s gotta be something that can help you._

His blurry eyes scanned the counter before landing on a familiar piece of metal.

_Yes._

Verge reached out and grabbed the blade, flipping it open with ease. Memories of the past flitted through his mind. Ones where he’d said “just one last time” thinking it’d be true, but the very next day he’d be back in this bathroom washing blood out of the tub. Weakness. Had he included that on his list? Because Virgil Thomas sure as hell was _weak._

“Just one last time,” he mocked as the blade sliced the skin of his forearm.

_Pathetic. What kind of fucking child do you have to be to continually come back to a blade to solve your problems?_

Another cut. And another. It was so calming--so ridiculously relaxing to watch the red blood flow out and fall onto the perfectly white floor and mixing with his tears to make a watercolor painting.

_Faggot. Nobody will love someone who’s gay, loser! Think of Jason. He **ruined** you._

A knock on the door jerked Virgil out of his daze, making him drop the knife in the process.

“Hey, Virgil? Are you okay? I can hear you crying, kiddo,” Patton worried, his words filtering through the door.

“I’m fine, Patton. Don’t worry.” _Yeah fucking right._

“Verge, please just let me in.” There was no way that Patton would take no for an answer.

“Okay.” Virgil pulled his sleeves down harshly, smearing a bit of blood onto his hands. He stepped in front of the blade and blood, trying to hide it from Pat’s prying eyes before opening the door. A fake smile was plastered onto Virgil’s face.

“Is that _blood?_ ” Patton gasped and grabbed Verge’s wrists and gently brought up the jumper sleeves that had begun to stick to his skin with blood. The look of worry on Pat’s face soon turned to one of pure anger.

“How _dare_ your dad think he can say things like that to his own son! You deserve so fucking much, Virgil; in fact, you deserve the /world. Yet here’s this guy who won’t give you a freaking break and ends up contributing to you hurting yourself! Grab that towel; we’re going downstairs.” Patton stormed out the room and back downstairs with a terrified Virgil just a few paces behind.

“Mr. Thomas! With all due respect, so none, what the absolute _fuck_ do you think you’re doing to ridicule your own child like that?” Virgil’s dad opened his mouth to speak but Pat cut him off. “No! You fucking listen to me; you’re a terrible goddamn father! Your child should _never_ be brought to this shit, and especially not by your doing. Are you fucking kidding? Who gave you the _right_ to do this? First, you spend all of your time away from Virgil, and then you go about barely ever talking to him, and finally you give him shit for everything that he has a fucking passion for!”

Both Virgil and his father were completely silent, not expecting such an outburst from the sweet kid between them. Virgil finally piped up after a few moments.

“Let’s go, Pat.”

Verge and Patton quickly left the house, not stopping until they were a street away to even think about calling Pat’s mom. Once Patton had hung up, they sat on the curb and waited.

“Thank you, Patton. For standing up to me. Nobody’s ever done that before.” Virgil’s voice was soft and genuine. A little fluttering sensation rose in Pat’s stomach as he leaned towards his friend.

“It’s no problem, Verge.”


	11. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhhh I'm so excited to finally have 10 chapters out!

Although Virgil had relapsed since he’d been released from the hospital, Patton was still _so_ proud of him. He was making a lot of progress towards recovery, and it was wonderful to Pat that his new friend was feeling better about himself. Virgil was, regardless of his moments of weakness, extremely strong.

Virgil held himself together when Patton had practically screamed at his dad. He’d stayed completely calm when he lifted up the towel from his arms to see a bright crimson stain on the pristine white. The poor kid even calmly explained what had happened (of course, leaving out the more intense parts) to Mrs. Shea when she’d arrived to pick them up from the curb.

When they’d gotten home and into Virgil’s room, he broke down in tears. But that didn’t mean he was weak. Tears were not _weak_. Tears meant that Virgil was healthily coping with his problems. That made Patton even more proud; Virgil’s health was his top priority right now, and any progress on it was fantastic.

“Hey, Vi. Do you want to talk about it? We don’t have to, but it might help,” Patton whispered as he softly hugged Virgil.

“Well,” Virgil croaked, taking a few moments to regain his composure. “Obviously, my dad’s never been around. He was rarely at holidays or special occasions; I can count on one hand the amount of times he celebrated his wedding anniversary. He’s stuck up and held high expectations for me. I _never_ met them. And after mom left, though she never really helped much anyway, he had nobody to filter through. To him, I’m a disappointment. I’m the epitome of everything he hates; punk-rock attitude, artistic, creative, ‘rebellious,’ and all that fun stuff. I will never please him.”

Patton gave Virgil a little squeeze. “I know this sounds like a bad response, but I still want you to know this. I will _always_ be proud of you. No matter if you fall down, no matter if you mess up. You are the strongest kid I’ve ever met, Virgil. I love you.”

He could feel Verge shift in his arms so he’d be able to look Patton in the face. Tear stains ran down his cheeks and his eyes were red and puffy. To be honest, Virgil looked like a hot mess, but that didn’t matter to either of them.

“I love you too, Pat. You’re my best friend.”

Virgil leaned back into Patton, hugging him tighter, providing a grounding force.

“You’re my best friend, too.”

\---

Somehow news of Patton’s badassery had spread around the school by Tuesday morning.

“You didn’t tell anyone, did you?” Virgil hissed, pulling his hoodie closer around his body.

“No! Well, I told Logan and… Oh… Roman might have accidentally let it slip to one of his other more popular friends.” Patton scrunched up his face, taking not to scold Roman later. Virgil didn’t need all of this drama centered around him in his life, and obviously this was an extreme breach of privacy.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Verge groaned and tapped Pat on the arm, pointing to a locker. _Virgil’s_ locker. A group of kids were surrounding it, looking like they were about to launch themselves at the pair of friends.

“Don’t worry; I’ll deal with them,” Patton assured as he confidently walked to the group. “Hey, guys! Would you mind-”

“ _Oh my god_. Patton! Did you actually punch Virgil’s dad?” one of the kids rushed, cutting Patton off.

“What? No!” Virgil shrunk back at the sudden explosion of voices, but still came to Patton’s rescue.

“Why did you protect him, Patton?” a cheerleader asked, playfully flipping her ponytail. “He’s a nobody. Oh, or are you two _dating_?”

Pat recoiled at the invasive and quite frankly rude questions.

“Oh! I’ve always wanted a gay friend!” a different cheerleader cut in. Both Virgil and Patton were becoming more uncomfortable by the second. A chorus of voices blanketed them in nonstop stimuli.

“ _Enough_! For fuck’s sake, enough!” Virgil yelled, having reached his limit. Everyone in the hallway froze, staring at the normally quiet loner. He ran a hand through his hair to try and gain some minuscule amount of composure before speaking again.

“To answer your question, no. Patton and I aren’t dating. And even if we were, it wouldn’t be _any_ of your business. I can’t personally speak for Pat, but as an actual gay guy, your kind-yeah, I’m talking about _all_ of you straight assholes-are _not_ the people anyone from the LGBTQ+ community would want to talk to. Ever. We aren’t trivial objects and we _certainly_ aren’t to be fetishized by straight people. Now get the fuck out of my way and away from my locker.” Virgil’s voice was oddly calm and smooth, the only true indication that he was angry being the icy cold tone he spoke in.

Oh, was Patton proud of his best friend.

\---

For the rest of the day, Pat was bombarded with questions by his classmates. A few teachers even approached him! The whole situation was absolute chaos; the truth wildly spinning out of control and completely getting lost in the rumors. Not to mention the fact that Virgil’s whole coming-out-to-the-whole-school stint was beginning to circulate as well. Vi had texted Patton multiple times every block to vent about “the sheer amount of fucking times these idiots have asked if I am, in fact, gay and if I have a crush on you.”

During lunch, too, hordes of students would come to their table and ask them invasive questions. Some had even been locating Logan and Roman during class and asking _them_ to spill the details. Which, of course, they didn’t. Roman had well learned his lesson to not, even if by accident, tell other people about what was happening in Virgil’s life.

When the boys got home, they flopped onto Patton’s bed and reflected on what the actual _fuck_  had happened at school.

“Did anyone make fun of you?” Patton asked. Their school was not the most tolerant of LGBTQ+ people, despite its large population of them. In fact, it wasn’t really tolerant in the slightest. That was one of the reason Patton was still closeted himself, as were Roman and Logan. And, even though he was so close to Virgil, he hadn’t gathered the courage to tell his friend.

Virgil paused for just a beat too long before whispering a weak “no…”

“Who was it? I’ll fight them!” Patton had his “dad voice” on.

“Pat, don’t worry about it. I can handle some stupid jocks and their homophobic bullshit.” The lie fell completely flat.

“ _What did they do_?” The tone in Patton’s voice hardened further. Vi hesitated for a second before slowly lifting up the hem of his shirt to reveal a giant bruise on his chest and stomach.

All the color drained from Pat’s face. “Who. Did. This?”

“I-I can’t tell you. I can’t let you get hurt, too,” Virgil whispered. Patton’s heart shattered at the notion that his friend, who he’d barely known for two weeks, was willing to sacrifice himself to keep Pat safe. Which, of course, just made Patton want to protect Verge even more.

As soon as Virgil left the room, Patton called Logan and Roman to formulate their plan.

\---

Somehow they were able to hide the rainbow clothing and accessories from Virgil for the whole right to school. Logan, Roman, and Patton had gathered up all of their gear from last year’s pride parade and agreed to wear as much of it as possible. Logan had rainbow tape around the stems of his glasses (hidden carefully under a beanie for the time being) and at least four rubber bracelets that had “I’m fucking gay” stamped onto them, Roman wore his glittery rainbow Converse and a “gay doesn’t just mean happy” shirt” hidden under his jacket, and Patton had brought along a pride flag to wear as a cape.

As soon as they’d entered the school, the hiding went out the window. Lo’s beanie was pocketed, Roman removed his jacket and wrapped it around his waist, and Pat drew the flag around his shoulders. Then Patton turned to Virgil and held out a rainbow beanie.

“Since you were so brave and came out to everyone yesterday, we decided to join you. Meet the ‘Queer Quad!’” Students passing began to stare at the blatant queerness, but for once Verge didn’t care.

“Fuck yeah!” Vi took the beanie and slipped it on before addressing the bystanders. “You know, it’s not very polite to stare. Now scram before one of us gays come to make you ‘one of us.’”

“I mean, this can’t be very surprising to you all,” Roman added with a smirk. “Most of us four are theatre geeks, and you know that drama _is_ the club for the gays!”

Immediately everyone began to rush away, most likely to begin gossiping about the newly outed group.

A thought came into Virgil’s mind. “Roman, aren’t you worried about what your teammates are going to say? I mean, they’re not even the slightest bit decent, and there is no doubt in my mind that they won’t take this as an opportunity to ream the shit out of you.”

“Prince Darkling, I’ve been hiding myself and my previous boyfriends from the world for too long. And, even if they did want to come after me, I’ve got you guys to back me up.”

Patton pulled them all into a group hug. “I’m proud of us. Now let’s go live our free lives!”

Soon the rumors had reached the whole school, but it didn’t even bother Virgil this time.


	12. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, uh, my original plans for this series changed... and... it got gay...
> 
> warnings: panic attacks and self doubt

“So, Virgil. Are you going to prom?” Roman casually asked before popping a french fry in his mouth.

“Um, I don’t know. I wasn’t planning on it.” Verge dipped his mildly crunchy “chicken nugget” into the pool of ranch on his tray absently. He really hadn’t thought about it that much. Plus, a whole bunch of his peers stuck in one room together, probably grinding with their respective dates, was not a pleasant thought.

“Awww, kiddo! You should go! You could come with us; we’re going to grab dinner and everything,” Patton whined.

“I mean, I guess,” Virgil grimaced as he weighed the options. “But don’t I have to rent a tux? I don’t have money for that, especially not after what happened on Monday. I’d be surprised to find my credit card still working with all of that in mind.”

Logan jumped into the conversation. “You would have to rent a tux, yes, but the three of us would be more than happy to help cover your expenses. We value you as a member of our friend group now, and we wouldn’t exclude you from something just because you couldn’t afford it.”

Virgil opened his mouth to argue but Roman spoke first. “Dude, seriously. Just let us do this for you. It’ll be fun.”

“Plus, Ro already bought you a ticket,” Logan added and held out a small slip of cardstock.  _Westview Junior Prom._

Well, Virgil Thomas was now going to prom.

* * *

“Hey, Pat. Can you help me with my tie?” Verge called from his bathroom. He had been struggling for the past five minutes trying to figure out the witchcraft behind ties and still had no idea what he was doing.

“Be right there, kiddo!” Footsteps soon clicked in Virgil’s ears and Patton walked into the bathroom. He’d already mostly finished getting ready, though his hair was a catastrophic mess. Virgil could guess that he’d been trying to fix that when he’d called.

“Alright, Pat. Work your magic,” Verge smirked. In a matter of seconds, Patton had looped and pulled the tie into place, gently tightening it around Virgil’s neck. It was deep purple, picked out specifically because of his dislike of most other colors, and went very well with the blues and reds of the others’ ties. The tie also matched the freshly dyed purple hair that Roman had unknowingly forced his three friends to do along with him earlier that afternoon. What an ass.

“Dude, what the fuck? How did you do that?” Vi admired his reflection for a moment, feeling oddly confident in his skin. This feeling had come about a few times since he’d met Patton, and he had to admit that it  _was_  nice. Pat’s happy-go-lucky attitude somehow perfectly meshed with Virgil’s own doom-and-gloom one, forming a hilariously compatible friendship.

Patton smiled and ruffled Verge’s hair, much to the other’s dismay. “Now that I helped you, will you  _please_ fix my hair.”

“ _Fine_.”

“I mean it, Vi! Look at this.” Pat ran his fingers through his hair and aggressively tugged when he reached a clump of knots.

“Okay, yeah, we’re fixing that  _right now._ ”

* * *

“Dinner? Really, Patton? You guys couldn’t have told me about this before?” Virgil whined as the four walked into the diner. They were ridiculously overdressed; every other patron was wearing some sort of flannel and jeans combo even though it was the middle of spring. It smelled great, don’t get him wrong, but it was so unexpected that he couldn’t help but be on edge.

“It’s our favorite restaurant, Virgil. We always come here before school events. Roman’s coined it as some sort of weird ritual, though it’s mostly tradition,” Logan explained, leading him to the booth that Patton and Roman had already rushed to.

“Plus, we’re friends with the staff,” Ro started with a smile. “You’ll love them; they’re all super nice. Speaking of, here comes Emilia.”

A young lady with brown hair walked up to their table, pulling out her small notepad. “Well, who do we have here? Another addition to our group of customers of the month every month since 2014?”

“Hey, Emilia! This is Virgil; he’s a new friend of ours. He’s been living with me for a few weeks while his dad is out of the country on business.” Patton gave a bright smile to both Emilia and Verge.

“That’s just wonderful, Patton. Now, what can I get for you guys?”

The three regulars spouted off their orders, clearly versed in what they wanted to eat, and then turned to Virgil expectantly. He’d barely been able to look over the menu in the time they’d used to order.

“Uh… I… Um…” He stuttered. Every drop of intelligence that he had in his body was gone in an instant, and he was left a bumbling mess.

“He’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, thanks,” Patton cut in, saving his friend from any further embarrassment.

“Alright! I’ll be back in a few with your food and a pitcher of water!” Emilia gave the boys a smile before walking back behind the counter to tend to other customers. Almost immediately Patton and Roman launched themselves into a fast paced discussion about the upcoming festivities. Virgil, unsurprisingly, felt anxious and like a complete idiot. He was just ordering dinner; there was no reason for him to have been so freaked out.

Verge felt a hand rest on his left shoulder and turned to see Lo with a worried expression etched on his face. “Are you okay? Do you need to step outside for a moment and regain composure? I’d be willing to go with you if you don’t want to be alone.”

“Uh, no. I’m okay. Just a little worried, that’s all. I mean, this is my first proper school event in, like,  _ever_ , and it’s freaking intimidating. You guys go to these things multiple times a year?” Virgil rushed, words just flowing out of his mouth without any control.

“I understand. When Roman and Patton first made me come with them to homecoming, I was so nervous I almost passed out on the way here. Thank god I wasn’t driving us everywhere back then because that would’ve ended in a disaster.” Logan gave Verge a small smile, adding to the tiny, though slowly growing, list of his outward displays of emotion. Virgil knew Lo wasn’t an emotionless android, but Roman and Patton were so all over the place that someone needed to play the calm and collected one.

“They can be pretty intense,” Virgil commented with a smile at the enthusiastic conversation across the table from them. Both of the teens were grinning and flinging their hands around in wild gestures, barely avoiding impact.

“Don’t worry about the dance. Oh, here!” Logan pulled a pair of earbuds out of his inside jacket pocket and held them out to Verge. “It gets pretty loud at these dances. I’ve observed you put on headphones when it gets too noisy, so I brought these just in case you didn’t have yours.”

Virgil pocketed them and thanked Logan just as Emilia finally returned with their food. The other three immediately began to dig in while Vi hesitantly poked at his burger. He picked up a fry and lazily popped it into his mouth.

“Holy  _shit!_  This is great; why haven’t you guys brought me here before?” Virgil took a giant bite of his burger and happily chewed.

“I was trying to ease you into our friend group, so I thought eating dinner at my house would save you some interaction,” Pat explained. “Obviously, that was a culinary mistake.”

“Of course it was, Patton. Depriving anyone of this blessed food is practically a national crime!” Roman dramatically stated, throwing out his arms. Virgil snorted and smirked at the theatrics.

They continued to eat, and eventually all but Virgil had finished their dinner when Emilia returned to their table for dessert orders. Logan ordered a slice of pecan pie for himself, a chocolate lava cake for Roman, a hot fudge sundae for Patton, and a caramel shake for Verge. Patton, of course, began to spout off a review of all of the desserts they’d ordered, even though Virgil wouldn’t be eating most of them. They all listened politely, not really absorbing any of the information, until their orders arrived. Almost immediately Pat’s face was stuffed full of vanilla ice cream and fudge sauce, easily and efficiently shutting him up.

They ate in near silence, save for the “light” discussion of whether cake or pie was better (Patton eventually had to cut in when Roman threatened Logan with a butterknife). Pat covered the whole bill once they’d finished, claiming “it’s my way of thanking you guys for putting up with my shenanigans.”

* * *

“Three, two, one!” Roman dramatically counted as he threw the doors to the venue open. Time seemed to freeze as the quad stepped in; all eyes on them. It had been days since they’d been the sole topic of gossip at school, but that didn’t mean the student body had lost their interest in the boys.

Roman was at the front of the group, confidently striding to the grand staircase and adjusting his red tie. Logan followed close behind, looking absolutely stunning in the sharply cut suit and deep blue tie. Then was Patton, marveling at the ethereal decorations, floored by the cascading flower vines and glittering fairy lights. And last but certainly not least…

Virgil. He had a wary smile on his face, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his slacks. The boy made absolutely sure that he didn’t get lost; he kept eyes on Patton the entire time they descended the stairs.

Logan had been right; it was fuckin  _loud_. People were screaming left and right, and the music was so loud that he could feel every beat vibrate in his chest. Virgil was lucky he’d put in the headphones before they’d arrived, or he never would have stepped inside the place.

Patton turned around to check on Virgil, obviously sensing the tension building in his friend. He held out his hand for Verge, who hesitated for just a moment before gently taking it. If people wanted to believe they were together, they could. It was no skin off his back.

They talked and danced for what felt like hours; Virgil even joined in on a few of the dances he knew. He was having fun. He smiled and laughed, and it was all  _genuine!_  In just a few short weeks, Patton had actually transformed him from a damn near suicidal nightmare into someone who found joy in life. It was stupid, and he knew it, but it still brought Virgil a bit of warmth in his chest.

The DJ announced a slow dance. Eugh, this was just going to be awful. He had nobody to dance with; it was just—

 _Oh_.

Patton tugged Virgil’s hand lightly, pulling their bodies closer together. “Wanna dance, kiddo? We don’t have to, of course, but it would be a fun first experience for both of us!”

“I—Uh, sure,” Virgil mumbled, trying to hide his gently growing blush. Pat gently guided Verge’s hands around his neck and placed his on Virgil’s waist. They slowly swayed in the crowd, reveling in the warmth and closeness.

The song ended, and Vi stepped back, shoving his hands into his pockets. He was  _so_  glad for the low light to hide his pink cheeks. The screaming resumed as couples broke apart and the energetic music boomed out.

And then just like that, Virgil was attacked by anxiety. His hands started shaking and he rushed away from the small group he was in, mumbling something about going to the bathroom. He calmed slightly when he had made it outside, collapsing to the ground, but then his panic picked up again when he realized how fucking alone he was always going to be.

Nobody would love the weird guy who rushes out on social gatherings for no fucking reason! Why would they? Virgil had nothing to offer; he was just a guy who had snark to rival Roman and barely two cents to his name.

Tears streamed down his face, running in dark gray streaks as they mixed with the black makeup. He could feel his chest heaving, but little air actually made it into his body. Everything was working overtime yet  _nothing actually happened_. Verge stayed sobbing on the ground. Nothing. Changed.

“Kiddo? Do you need me to call my mom and have her pick us up?” Patton slowly lowered himself next to Vi, talking softly to not stir up anything worse.

“N-No! I’ll… I’ll… _Fuck!_ ” Virgil cried as he ripped the earbuds out of his ears. He threw the cord a few feet away, instantly regretting it as the sound of shattering plastic reached his ears. He’d have to buy Logan new ones.

“Goodness gracious, Virgil. It’s okay. I’m going to call Logan and we’re going to get you out of here—“

“I-I-I don’t… want t-t-to… ruin… night…” Virgil sputtered. He was having trouble pushing the words out; all of them got stuck in his throat.

Patton carefully began to comb through Virgil’s hair with his fingers in an attempt to soothe the attack. “Don’t worry about that, kiddo. There isn’t much more fun to be had, anyway. We still love you— _I_  still love you.”

That’s it. That’s what he felt. Love. He  _loved_  Patton.

All the impulse control he had—though truthfully there was very little—left his body. He reached out and brought Pat’s face to his own, lightly kissing him. Patton stiffened for a fraction of a second before relaxing into the kiss. They were both going to regret this later, but that didn’t matter right now.


	13. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is just angst towards the end. pure angst. the purest.

Virgil’s lips were so soft. That was the only thought running through Patton’s mind. Heat rose to his cheeks as he gently pulled away, raising his fingertips to cover his mouth.

_Oh my god. That just happened._

Someone had kissed him. And it wasn’t for their own benefit!

Virgil seemed to have calmed down for the most part, having leaned back on the glass door in awe. He had just done that. Holy shit! _He did that._

Patton called his mom, asking her to come pick them up. He wouldn’t tell Virgil, but their little, uh, _incident_  worried Pat that there would be more anxiety to follow if they stayed. He then shot a few texts to Logan so he’d know what happened.

 

* * *

_**Patton** _

_Read 9:47_

Hey, kiddo! Virgil and I are going to head home. He had a bit of a panic attack so I called my mom to pick us up

 

_**Logan** _

_Delivered 9:47_

I could have driven you two home. Roman ditched me to possibly make out with a guy.

 

_**Patton** _

_Read 9:49_

Sounds about right :P

 

_**Patton** _

_Read 10:05_

Logan

 

_**Logan** _

_Delivered 10:06_

Yes, Patton?

 

_**Patton** _

_Read 10:08_

Uh

Funny story

So, uh…

Virgil

Kissed me?

And now we’re holding hands

What do I do?

 

_**Logan** _

_Delivered 10:08_

You what now?

Patton are you serious?

Patton?

 

_**Patton** _

_Read 10:11_

Sorry I may have kissed him again

And by may have I definitely did

Wow he’s a really great kisser

 

_**Logan** _

_Delivered 10:11_

You sound like an awe-stricken child.

 

_**Patton** _

_Read 10:11_

I don’t know what that means but you’re probably right 

 

* * *

 It wasn’t necessarily a  _surprise_  that Patton liked Virgil. He easily and quickly grew attached to people, analyzing and conforming to their personalities. He was liked by most, if not all, and fell in love with ease. That wasn’t any different with Virgil, though he had been hesitant to show it.

He saw the flash of headlights pulling up and stood, slipping his hand from Virgil’s. “You okay to walk, or do you want me to carry you?” He was brought back to the night they had met.

 

* * *

  _He was trudging home when he saw the figure on the bridge._

_It had been a pretty shit night, if he was going to be honest, but that didn’t stop him. Patton had gone to his boyfriend’s, hoping to watch a movie or something, and decided to stop by the park first for a rest. He walked around the beautiful foliage until he saw them. Luke was sitting on a park bench with his hands needily clawing at another guy as they aggressively made out. It was unbelievable, yet totally made sense. Patton spun on his heel and wandered around town for hours, losing track of time before finally realizing he needed to head home. On his way, he saw the kid. He ran to the railing, hoping to catch them before they ended their life._

_“Um,” Patton squeaked; his voice sounded weak to his own ears. “Hello? Please don’t jump.”_

_The person spun around so fast—far too fast while standing on the edge of an impending drop. Their scrutinizing eyes scanned Patton for just a second. “What are you doing here?!”_

_He hadn’t really thought that far. Patton didn’t want them to jump, that much was obvious, but he didn’t really want to retell the events of the night. “Um, I, uh, was just walking by and happened to see you here. I don’t want you to jump.”_

_The stranger stared at him for one. Two. Three beats._

_“Look. You have no idea who I am, and I have no idea who you are. You don’t know my intentions, so just go away and leave me here alone.” The harsh tone in the stranger’s voice unsettled something deep in Patton’s stomach. Tears began to drip from his eyes, growing faster and faster until he was flat-out bawling on the sidewalk._

_“What are you doing?” The stranger spat.  “Stop that. You’re causing a raucous! People are going to start trying to find out what’s happening; can you—Fucking hell.” Patton heard the sound of feet on the pavement and immediately tried to wipe up his tears._

_The teen spoke again. “Look. I’m off the ledge. Just stop fucking crying.” That prompted Pat to look up. He saw the hurt in the kid’s eyes and couldn’t bear to take any chances._

_“Promise that you won’t jump off the bridge.”_

“Yeah, whatever. I won’t jump off,” the kid scoffed, throwing in a complementary eye roll.

_“I said to promise me!” The intensity in Patton’s voice shocked even him._

_"I—What? Listen—“  
  
“Promise me!” Patton yelled. “Promise me that you won’t kill yourself tonight! I don’t care what your reasoning is for doing this, but it’s not good enough! Promise me, or I’m going to call the cops and tell them you’re trying to commit suicide, and I _ know _you don’t want the authorities involved.” It was a low blow, threatening to call the police, but he was pretty desperate at this point. Anything that’d work. He dug his phone out and wiggled it slightly, adding depth to his promise._

_“I, okay, I promise I won’t kill myself tonight just please put the phone down. Please, don’t call the police. I promise I won’t do anything.” The kid’s voice was rushed and breathy. They were struggling to breathe. Panic attack. Oh no._

_Patton dialed his mom’s number in a heartbeat. He quickly asked her to pick him up at the bridge. There was a flash of movement before a body came slumping into his arms. The stranger. Pat gently scooped them up._

_And he was committed to the ride._

 

* * *

 “I can walk.” Virgil wobbled a bit as he stood up, but did prove to have the strength and energy. As soon as they were in the car, however, Virgil slumped into Patton and curled up, reveling in the warmth and comfort of his… friend?

Pat nearly let out a quiet “awwww” at how cute Verge was. 

 

* * *

The whole ride home was silent. No music, no conversation, no nothing. Patton expected that he and his mother would be having a long conversation tomorrow about what had transpired, but that was a thought for another time.

Pat picked up the sleepy Virgil once they’d arrived and carried him slowly up the steps and to Virgil’s bedroom. He was once again brought back to their first meeting. He’d gently taken set the stranger on his bed and made sure they were absolutely okay before leaving. Tonight, however, he had a feeling he’d be staying in this room.

He quietly went to his own room for a few minutes so both he and Virgil could change into pajamas. It was almost surprising that Verge was sat up, expectantly—and sleepily—awaiting Patton’s return.

“Do you want me to stay in here tonight?” It was barely a question at this point. Virgil nodded and flopped back, pulling the covers up over his head and curling up. Unlike the first time they’d shared the bed, Patton immediately slipped under the blankets.

The hidden Vi grabbed his hand and pulled it close, as if it was some sort of comfort object. Silently, he mused that he’d only be able to retrieve full control of his body by prying himself from Virgil’s cold, dead hands. Soon enough, though, they both fell asleep, blissfully sleeping away any stress.

 

* * *

Patton woke up in the middle of the night. His body tended to do that: just randomly waking from slumber for no reason in particular. It was irritating to say the least.

Pat opened his eyes and saw Virgil’s delicate features just inches away. He was such a good kid. He was such a good  _friend._

_Oh, god. Oh no. No! No, no, no! I can’t do this. That would be unfair. I’m just going to hurt him. I’m going to_  hurt him _. I can’t do that. No. Oh god._

He scrambled back, falling backwards off the bed. Pat stifled a scream with his hand, not wanting to wake Virgil. Intrusive thoughts raced through his mind for the first time in a while.

_You’re not good enough! You’re a terrible person—just like Jason used to tell you! You only hurt; you can’t fix anything. You break everything you touch!_

Tears streamed down his face as he silently padded to his room. He had made a mistake. One that he didn’t know how to fix. He texted the only people he knew could help.

 

* * *

**pattonly-loveable [1:35, read]**

Guys I really messed up

 

**loganch [1:35]**

Patton what are you doing up?

And what did you do?

Are you okay?

Do we need to hide a body?

 

**princeofthegays [1:35]**

Are you good????

 

**pattonly-loveable [1:35, read]**

So you know how virgil and I kissed??

Sorry if you  _didn’t_  know, ro

Anyway

That’s how I messed up

 

**princeofthegays [1:36]**

First of all, I’m proud of you

Second, how is that a bad thing? I’m not sure I understand how love can be bad…

 

**pattonly-amazing [1:36, read]**

I’m going to end up hurting Virgil and it’s going to kill me to see that happen

 

**loganch [1:37]**

Patton, that is absolutely absurd.

You obviously care for Virgil very much. Even I can see that. You have done nothing but have his best interest at heart since you met him. If you truly believe you would hurt him, you are as stupid as a rock.

 

**princeofthegays [1:37]**

I’ve gotta agree with the brainiac

 

* * *

That didn’t help Patton in the slightest. He still felt off about the whole thing. He didn’t deserve the love that any of them gave him. He was terrible and just not a good person.

He wasn’t worth it.

 

* * *

_Dear diary,_

_It’s been a long time since I’ve written in here—too long, maybe. I think it’s a good time to do so, though._

_Let’s get things straight. Or rather, not straight. Pretty damn not straight to be honest. Anyway, Virgil kissed me tonight. It was really great. But there’s just something that doesn’t settle right in me._

_I can’t be with him. I ruin everything I touch. I can’t provide the love and care that he needs; I’m useless to him. Not to mention how I’m just going to end up having him hate me once he realizes how absolutely pathetic I am._

_Virgil should’ve picked Roman. Ro is smart, charismatic, creative, romantic, and so many other things that I’m not! He knows how to be a good partner. He can plan dates like the best of them; he has never once had a partner cheat on him because he’s that damn irresistible. Roman is perfect. I’m the exact opposite. I’m ridiculously stupid (just ask Logan; he had to help me with countless assignments over the years), I’m too shy for my own good, I take exactly zero risks (see: I’ve wanted to kiss Virgil for so long)!_

_Or even Logan would be better suited! He’s the smartest of anybody I know, considerate, thoughtful, and, even though he tries to hide it, loving. Logan has done research on every mental illness he could think of; he’d know exactly what to do in every circumstance Virgil found himself in._

_And me? I just hurt people. I do stupid things without thinking and end up hurting my friends in the process. Nothing I’ve ever done or will ever do will account to anything! I’m worthless! Virgil deserves so much better than what I can give. He’s been hurt too many times before. I can’t. I just can’t._

_Signing off,_

_Patton_


	14. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS - homophobic language, self hate, minor sexual assault, really mild implications of sexual activity

_**February 18, 2016** _

Patton stepped over the threshold into Jay’s house. It wasn’t the first time that he’d been here, but it was the first time he’d been here without the chaperone of one of Jason’s parents. Jay had begged him to come, so he’d obliged.

He shook the snow off of his coat and dumped it on the floor next to his boots. “Babe, I’m here!” Pat’s voice echoed lightly in the plastered halls. He heard shuffling a few rooms over and made his way towards the sound. The door swung open and a half-dressed Jason stood in the doorway. He subconsciously noted the girl sitting on the couch, equally undressed and curly brown hair mussed.

“Patton. Looking gorgeous as ever,” his boyfriend drawled. Jay’s lips were swollen and bright pink.

“What the hell is going on, Jason?” Patton’s voice was hard as he gestured to the scene in front of him. The girl inside stood up and walked to the door, wrapping her slender arms around Jason’s waist.

“He really is as beautiful as you’ve said, Jay. Those eyes truly  _are_  stunning. And you know how hot I think freckles are. I would have been a fool to refuse your offer.” Her words dripped like honey; her hand reached out to cup Pat’s cold-tinged cheek. He flinched back from her touch, crinkling his nose in disgust.

“What offer, Jason?” The anger was gone, replaced with saccharine sweet that dripped with hot venom.

Jason gave his signature dashing smile. “I was thinking, right? You’re bisexual; I’m bisexual. And Lauren here has just been  _dying_  to try a threesome. It’ll be fun.”

“ _What?_ ” That was ridiculous! What kind of thought process was that?

“C’mon, babe. I’ve seen your potential; you’d be an amazing partner in bed!” Jay quirked his eyebrow and pulled Patton closer.

“First of all,” Pat stated as he took a step away from the two standing in front of him. “You  _know_  my feelings on this matter. Second, no! I’m not doing that! We’re fifteen, Jason. Not to mention that you set this all up without even consulting me.”

“And I wouldn’t have had to if you’d loosen up a bit and let me show you something actually pleasurable!” Patton was about to protest once more when Jason roughly kissed him and fumbled with his belt buckle. On impulse, Pat pushed him back, knocking both Jay and Lauren to the ground in a heap.

“What the absolute  _fuck?!_  You son of a bitch; I said  _no!_  What the fuck do you think that means?” The anger was back and more fiery than ever. He was pissed––no, he was  _furious_.

“You fucking  _moralist!_  You ruin everything! I made everything perfect for you, Patton. You’ve done nothing for me, when I’ve done  _everything_  for you.” Jason slowly rose from the floor, redness rising in his face.

“I told you exactly what I was comfortable with from the moment you asked me out. I should have listened to Roman and Logan when they said you were nothing but bad news, but I was swept up by your perfect façade.” Patton spat back. He’d reached the end of his rope, and he was taking none of it.

“Those two are  _so_  much better than you! At least they were somewhat willing to play to my needs, not being so self centered as to refuse everything I want. Sure, they didn’t go nearly as far as I’d liked, but they’re better. Than.  _You_. You’re poison. You’re a bomb just waiting to go off and ruin all of my hard work! Now, either take your clothes off and join us, or we’re breaking up right here and now.” That stung. And for just a moment, Patton ran over the situation in his head. He was  _that_  close to caving before he came back to his senses.

“Then I guess we’re done.” Patton swiftly put his shoes back on and wrapped his coat tightly around his body, stepping back out into the cold February air.

 

* * *

 

 

All discussion ceased as Patton, Logan, and Roman stepped into Westview. Every pair of eyes turned to them. Specifically Patton. A bright blast of chatter erupted once more, and Pat could glean little bits of conversation from them.

“I heard that he slept with three guys this weekend!”

“Yeah? I heard he had a threesome with some chick from South and that Jason Keith!”

“Patton Shea is such a slut!”

“Not to mention he’s a fag!”

Patton Shea. Slut. Patton Shea. Whore. Patton Shea. Slept with three guys in one weekend.

Patton spun around and dashed from the school; Logan and Roman followed close behind. He could hear their furious voices behind him as they walked down the sidewalk to the nearest bus stop.

“I’m going to murder Jason! That dick deserves it! How fucking dare he hurt you like that, Patton; especially after what he did Saturday,” Roman growled.

“For once I agree with your aggressive sentiments. Patton, you are the sweetest person I know. You deserve so much better.” Logan was normally calm—far too calm for most—but this angered him to the core. Pure hatred seeped from his voice.

Patton stopped and spun around. “Do I, though?” His words froze heavily between the three friends.

“Of course you do,” Logan gently stated. “You are incredibly kind, generous, and genuine. I have never once known you to do something to hurt another person. Jason, on the other hand, is rude, egotistical, incorrigible, and… and… He’s just plain awful, okay? You deserve the world, and he deserves to rot in the deepest pits of hell.”

_You break everything you touch._

“You’re wonderful, Pat.”

_Whore!_

“We love you.”

_Poison!_

Patton plastered on a fake smile. “Thanks, guys, really, but you should go to class. I’ll be fine—“

Roman cut him off with one fluid motion. “Yeah, just shut up and let us come with you.”

 

* * *

 

 

Jason’s words never left Patton, though neither did the rumors. As the months passed, they became less prominent, becoming floating leaves in the back of his memory. It wasn’t until October when they would rear their head again.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will  _always_  hurt me.

 

* * *

 

 

_**Present** _

Virgil paced around his room. He was worried. Patton hadn’t woken up until 11 this morning, far later than he usually did. Then, he had refused any visitors to his room, claiming he was doing mass amounts of homework. Virgil brought him lunch, though he had been instructed to just leave the plate outside the door for him to get in a moment. Patton wouldn’t leven let his mom in!

It was quite frankly terrifying, and Virgil was glad he’d gotten Logan’s phone number for help if necessary.

 

> _**Virgil** _
> 
> _Read [2:32]_
> 
> hey lo its virgil
> 
> im really worried about pat
> 
> he hasn’t come out of his room at all and won’t let any of us come in
> 
>  
> 
> _**Logan** _
> 
> _Delivered [2:32]_
> 
> Ah. It seems he has entered a depressive spiral. As I’m sure you’re familiar with the feelings, I’ll spare you the details. Just know that it is nothing personal.
> 
> Excuse me for one moment.

Logan immediately went to his text conversation with Patton and began typing.

 

> _**Logan** _
> 
> _Read [2:34]_
> 
> Patton. It has come to my concern that Virgil is worried absolutely sick about you. I know that you have been feeling less than subpar today, but I need you to let Virgil in so you two can work things out. He obviously cares a lot about you, and I know for a fact that you care about him just as much, possibly more. You are one of my best friends, and it kills me to see you down like this.

As soon as the read symbol popped up, Logan went back to Virgil.

 

> _**Logan** _
> 
> _Delivered [2:34]_
> 
> Go talk with Patton. If he doesn’t let you in, text me, and I’ll make him.

Virgil let out a light laugh at that. Logan was so caring and willing to help his friends, but didn’t know how to do it in the most sensitive way. Just seconds later, he stood in front of Patton’s door. He hesitantly reached out and knocked. The door abruptly swung open and a gloomy Patton motioned him in.

Verge immediately took a seat on the bed. “I’m really sorry about what happened yesterday. I didn’t mean to upset you like this; I just… I wasn’t thinking properly. I’ve been really worried about you all day, and like… I’m sorry.”

“That’s not the reason,” Patton groaned, pacing along the blue rug on his floor.

“Then why have you been shutting me out all day?” Virgil’s voice was pained; the sound triggered something inside of Pat.

“Because I was trying to avoid  _this!_ ” Patton gestured wildly at Virgil’s upset expression. “I didn’t want to hurt you, and yet here we are! I’m poison, Verge. I do nothing but hurt people. I’m the apple from Snow White: sweet and nice at first, but I’ll end up killing you in the end. You deserve so much better than me! You should have picked Roman or Logan; they’re smarter, nicer, more talented, and so much more. But no! You picked  _me_  of all people. I’m clumsy, stupid, reckless, emotional, and just plain pathetic. I have nothing to offer.” He sat down exhaustedly on the bed, flopping back onto the plush comforter.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You’ve gotta be fucking kidding, right? Patton, you’re  _amazing_. You talked a stranger you had never met before out of suicide just because you wanted to. You let that same stranger into your home and then ended up allowing them to live with you. You are so much more than nothing. If anything, I don’t deserve  _you_. Roman and Logan are both wonderful, but you have something special inside of you.” Virgil fell back, too. There were a few beats of silence before Patton spoke again.

“If you keep talking bad about yourself, I’m going to physically fight you!” Virgil could hear the smile in his voice. He was so glad. He couldn’t bear to live another minute without Patton happy.

“Come at me, bro.”

Virgil felt weight leaving the bed, though he only registered it a moment before he was hauled up by the wrists and propelled into a deep kiss with Patton. He lightly smiled. God, it was good to have someone again. It was even better that he wasn’t an asshole.

“So, what are we?” Virgil asked a few moments later, when they had tightly embraced each other.

“I think the proper term is ‘boyfriends,’” Patton smiled.

“You sound just like Logan.”

“Satisfactory.” Patton let out a small laugh at Virgil’s irritated groan.

“Shut up and kiss me, nerd.”


	15. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really couldn't wait to post this chapter so you guys get two in one day. this probably won't happen again.
> 
> WARNINGS: self hate, verbal violence

Mrs. Shea called Patton down about an hour before dinner. Although he’d expected this conversation, today’s events would only deepen the load. It was stressful, to say the very least.

“So what happened last night, honey?” she promoted as they sat together at the kitchen table.

“Virgil had a panic attack, obviously. I think that after the first slow song, the abrupt shift in volume overloaded his brain and he just needed to get out. He fled pretty soon after, so I went to go calm him down. And then, um…” Patton paused. He was hesitant to share this part.

“Go on, Pat. Everything you say is completely confidential.”

“Then Virgil kissed me.” Patton’s voice was barely a whisper; his cheeks dusted a rosy pink with embarrassment.

“Did you kiss him back? Is he a good kisser?” Mrs. Shea pressed, a giddy smile on her face.

“ _Mom!_ ” Pat cried in anguish. Oh, god, here comes the real embarrassment.

“At least tell me tell me that you didn’t leave him hanging.” She wiggled her eyebrows jokingly.

“ _Mother!_ ”

“Alright, alright,” her voice became serious once more. “And what about this morning? It’s unlike you to lock yourself up like that.”

“I overthought things. I got it in my head that I wasn’t good enough for Virgil, and I holed myself away so that I wouldn’t have to deal with it. But then Logan forced me to talk with Virgil, and we had a really good heart-to-heart and ended up making things official.”

There were a few beats of silence. “So did you kiss him?”

“Yes, mom! I kissed my boyfriend!” Patton was exasperated, running a hand through his hair.

“I’m glad you two finally got your shit together so I won’t have to deal with your ridiculous heart eyes anymore, unlike Roman and Logan. Those two are ridiculous! Like, can you imagine crushing that hard on someone and neither of them realizing it? Clueless morons.” Patton choked on his tea, and Mrs. Shea just shook her head in amused irritation.

“ _What?_ ” Patton sharply coughed, trying hard to get a handle on his incident.

“Oh, don’t tell me you don’t see it, too! They never stop staring at each other; it’s absolutely disgusting.” She took a gentile sip of her tea, as if she hadn’t said a word.

“No, no! I have, trust me. I didn’t realize you noticed. God, and you don’t even have to hang out with them! Roman constantly flirts with Logan, but Lo’s so linear he doesn’t understand. But, of course, when Logan tries to compliment Roman, Roman takes it as Logan trying to learn slang terms. It’s torturous!” Patton sighed, leaning forward on his hands. It had been a long time since he’d had a nice chat with his mom, and he admittedly missed it.

“Please, Pat. I’m begging you. Play matchmaker for them. They’ll never get there themselves,” Mrs. Shea said with an air of actual worry in her voice. Roman and Logan were like her sons, and she couldn’t stand the thought of them ending up with someone else and ultimately unhappy.

“I will, mom.”

 

* * *

“Patton… I know that look, and I don’t like it. What are you planning?” Virgil’s voice was cautious as he caught up with his boyfriend after dinner. Patton had practically leapt from the table; his signature plotting face securely put on.

“Mom gave me an idea,” Patton said simply, rounding the corner and climbing the stairs.

“Yes, Pat. I know that much. But  _what_  is that idea?” He was beginning to get anxious. He didn’t like surprises in the slightest, and this was certainly a surprise.

“It’s about Logan and Roman. After mom and I talked, we realized we needed to do something.” Patton swung open his bedroom door and made a beeline for his desk. He grabbed out a notebook and a few pencils before swiveling his second chair around for Virgil.

“What do we need to— _Oh!_  Oh my god, no way! That makes so much sense.” The pieces clicked together neatly in Virgil’s mind. He’d seen the little glances, the hidden blushes, but he had never taken any notice to them. It made _so_ much sense.

“Exactly. They’re absolutely clueless, so we need to help them figure it out.” Patton titled the page.  _How to Get Two Idiots Together._  Virgil thought that it fit quite well.

“Alright, what do you suppose?”

A sly smile grew on Patton’s face. “Well…”

* * *

 

By Monday afternoon, all of the blocks had perfectly fallen into place. The four friends would first go to the diner and then head to the park. It would be amazing.

Logan picked Virgil and Patton up at five o’clock sharp. Roman was only slightly done up; he had a neutral brown smokey eye and deep purple lipstick. He looked wonderful, and Virgil caught Logan glancing at Roman every so often under the cover of checking for traffic. It was odd seeing Logan actively check someone out, but honestly pretty sweet.

They stepped into the bustling diner about fifteen minutes later, sitting in their normal booth. Patton and Virgil  _obviously_  sat on one side, forcing the oblivious duo to the other. Phase one initiated.

For the entire five minutes until they ordered, Virgil and Patton didn’t take their attention off of each other. They giggled at the other’s jokes, lightly kissed when applicable, and even leaned on each other as a gesture of protection. Roman and Logan were left to their own devices. It took a minute, but the two began a quiet discussion about the couple across from them, careful to make sure the others didn’t hear.

“They are truly disgusting,” Roman grimaced. He was the romantic one of the group, but even that PDA was a tad extra.

“Yes. But I am glad that Patton has found someone to be happy with. Look at the glittering in his eyes, Ro. He hasn’t looked like that since he started dating Jason,” Logan pointed out, watching as the couple gently kissed.

“Ugh, don’t remind me of that jerk!” Roman groaned. “I agree, though. It’s going to be good for him. Ah, it’s been too long since I’ve had someone like that.”

There was a moment of hesitation before Logan spoke again. “Me as well.”

They sat in silence for half of a second before Emilia walked up to their table. “Oh my goodness! Has Patton found himself someone? He looks absolutely adorable, sweetheart!” A bright pink blush formed on both Patton and Virgil’s cheeks, though Virgil’s became even deeper as she said her next words. “Aren’t you going to say something, honey?”

“I—Uh… I’m…” Virgil sputtered. Emilia roared with laughter, lightly ruffling the teen’s hair.

“I’m kidding. Alright, guys. What can I get you?”

They all ordered without incident, but Virgil’s flubbed words weren’t forgotten. “Flustered Virgil is absolutely adorable!” Patton squealed, covering his mouth with clenched fists. Virgil pulled his hood over his face and groaned.

“Shut up, Pat,” he muttered from his dismal cavern.

“He’s quite right. But do you know who’s even funnier when they’re caught off guard? Logan! He blushes like mad and ends up just spouting off random scientific factoids,” Roman smirked, lightly knocking Logan with his shoulder. The latter blushed fiercely and groaned.

“Roman…” Logan chided gently.

“I’m… sorry!” Roman said between laughs.

“C’mon, kiddo. Let’s not torture Logan.” Patton’s voice was stern, but still loving.

“Ugh,  _fine._ ” Roman rolled his eyes and sat back in the booth.

Patton returned his attention to Virgil, reaching his hand under his boyfriend’s hood and gently swiping the hair from his eyes. “You okay, sweetheart?”

Virgil flicked his hood down and nodded. He placed a light kiss on Pat’s cheek to reaffirm that he was, in fact, okay. It was made even better by the fact that Virgil teasingly hovered his face just centimeters from Patton’s with a devilish smirk before pulling away. Patton pouted and turned to look out the window in mock displeasure. Virgil worriedly put his hand on Pat’s shoulder, not quite sure if Patton was joking. Logan and Roman both caught the flash of a smile on Patton’s face before he spun around and kissed Virgil on the nose.

“Absolutely vile,” Roman muttered.

“As if you wouldn’t be doing the same thing if you were in their situation,” Logan retorted with a pointed eyebrow raise. Ro dramatically turned to face his booth partner; their faces ending up just barely apart. A flicker of realization flitted across Roman’s features as soon as he took in how close they were. It was microscopic, unnoticeable to the untrained eye, but Virgil and Patton saw it.

Their satisfaction, however, was cut short by the food arriving. The four friends munched quietly, barely talking at all. Well, except for when Virgil and Roman threw jabs—and often French fries—at each other. Then it was all-out chaos. In just under an hour, they were back on the road, heading for the public park.

Logan pulled into the gravel parking lot carefully, parking all the way at the end of the nearly empty space. Most families were already back home to have dinner, so they’d pretty much have the place to themselves. Patton excitedly led the group, dragging a less than energetic Virgil to all of the prettiest spots of the park.

“This is the strangest feeling; it's as if I’m a parent who is proud of their child for finding someone they’re happy with,” Logan mused as he walked along the winding paths with Roman. It was near impossible to keep up with an excited Patton—a lesson that Virgil was learning  _very_  quickly—and the two decided it be best to save their energy for when they had to carry a tired Patton to the car.

“I feel the same way. Our boy is growing up so fast!” Roman paused for a few steps. “I wish I had something like that—a relationship, I mean.”

Logan flat out laughed at that. Was he fucking kidding? “Roman, you can have literally anyone you want, and all you’d have to do is say ‘go!’”

“It’s not that simple,” Roman mumbled. It really wasn’t; he couldn’t have who he wanted. He wasn’t Logan’s type at all; he was infuriatingly dumb and all over the place, not neat and smart like who Logan wanted.

“I’m not following. You have everyone drooling over you, yet you can’t have who you want?” Logan’s face grew puzzled, contemplating the evidence.

“You wouldn’t understand.” Roman’s voice was dismissive, but he didn’t mean it that way. He was frustrated in himself. He couldn’t own up to his own feelings and just tell Logan.  _No_. Of fucking course not.

“What do you mean I wouldn’t understand? I’m not some kindergartener who you’re trying to explain basic multiplication to! I can figure things out, Roman, even if I’m not great with feelings,” Logan snapped, stopping dead in his tracks. Roman stopped, too, and spun to face his friend.

“Can you, Logan? Because sometimes you’re as perceptive as the dirt on the bottom of your shoe! It’s infuriating that I can’t get my thoughts through to  _you_  of all people!” Roman roughly jabbed at Logan’s chest. He knew he shouldn’t be acting so rashly, but he was far too angry to stop himself.

Thoughts spun around Logan’s mind as he tried to formulate something intelligent to say. How in the world had he fallen for someone as rude as Roman fucking Patrick? He really was an idiot, wasn’t he? To have thought he’d be able to get past the prickly sarcasm and to Roman’s caring nature was ridiculous.

A sickening cackle escaped Logan. “That’s rich coming from you! I can’t believe you’d say something like that about your best friend of five years.” He shook his head in anger. “I’m done with this. You three can walk home for all I care.”

Roman stared at the Logan’s retreating figure in awe.  _What the fuck had he done?_  He slowly turned and began walking down the trail towards Virgil and Patton’s voices. He’d ruined everything.

The moment Virgil saw Roman’s expression, he tended. He hadn’t known the guy for too long, but he understood when something was up. “Dude, are you okay? Where’s Logan?”

_You can’t tell them the truth! They’ll_ hate _you._

“Logan and I had a disagreement, and he got so pissed that he decided to bail.” Roman looked more upset than he let on, but Virgil didn’t push. He knew what it was like to want to keep some things to himself.

“Well, I suppose we should call someone to pick us up. Roman, do you want my mom to drop you off at home?” Patton asked, already pulling out his phone.

“No, I’m just going to walk home. See you guys tomorrow?”

“Of course,” Virgil agreed, nodding his goodbye. 

 

* * *

Roman quietly closed his door, shutting himself off from the world. He slipped into his pajamas and sat lightly on the edge of his bed. The tears ran down his cheeks like tiny raindrops on a car window. He buried his face into his pillow and cried until sleep finally absorbed his consciousness.


	16. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no warnings except for some swearing and verbal fighting

Logan didn’t want to pick Roman up, but he couldn’t just ditch him either. He felt bad about leaving his friends yesterday; he didn’t need that kind of guilt. The beat up car rolled to a halt in the Patrick’s driveway.

Roman was already standing outside, clicking away at his phone. He slipped into the front seat without looking up, only taking time to readjust his headphones. That’s fine; Logan actually  _enjoys_  driving in silence.

* * *

Virgil and Patton immediately knew something was off. It was  _completely_  silent in the car. Not only that, but Roman didn’t even look up from his phone to greet his friends—a thing he did every single day.

The whole car ride was painful; the blaring silence weighed heavy on the two boys in the backseat. Just when they couldn’t take another second of silence, Logan pulled into his parking spot.  _Thank god._  Virgil sighed, slumping back slightly in his seat.

“Hey, guys—And they’re gone…” Patton called after Roman and Logan, but they had practically bolted from the car as soon as it was stopped. Okay? Maybe they were just having an off day! That’s fine; it happens to everyone.

Virgil shrugged the whole situation off, too, as soon as Patton grabbed his hand and began to lead him into school. They had not officially announced that they were a thing yet, but it was pretty obvious. Word spread quickly without them needing to do much else but hold hands in the hallway and kiss each other on the cheek at their lockers. It was already old news by Monday afternoon.

Of course, nothing was ever really as simple as it was made out to be.

* * *

 

Lunch started off just as weird as the car ride to school. Logan had sat opposite of Roman, something they hadn’t done in… well,  _ever_. That, in turn, forced Virgil to sit next to Logan and Patton to Roman. It was disorienting to Virgil, and he already could feel his anxiety rise. He needed a distraction.

“Hey, Roman. How’s it going with the cast?” The musical. A perfect subject to talk about.

“Fantastic!” Roman said with an enthusiastic smile. “If everything keeps running as smoothly as it has, we’ll be off book by Friday.”

“Surprising you numbskulls even know how to read,” Logan muttered, not even looking up from his book. An oppressive silence hung in the air between the four boys; though, Logan didn’t seem to notice. Patton threw a worried glance at Virgil. Okay, maybe it’s a bit more than an off day, but nothing a little time can’t fix. Right?

* * *

The car ride home was when everything truly hit the fan.

It had began just as the ride this morning, but Patton decided to break the silence and talk to Logan. “Hey, Lo. How’s it going?”

“Fine, Patton. Why are you asking me at the end of the day?” Logan gave him a quizzical look in the rear view mirror before turning his eyes back on the road.

“It’s never too late to ask a friend how they’re doing! You’re so smart that sometimes I worry you take on too much.” Patton’s voice was sincere, though he was mostly just trying to figure out what was going on between the two up front.

Roman muttered something under his breath, barely even audible, but it obviously hit a nerve in Logan. “Oh? Is there something you’d like to share with the class, Roman?”

“Sure,” Roman challenged. “I said that you were as dull as a pair of old scissors. You couldn’t cut your way out of a paper box.”

_That’s_ really _not good._

Patton quickly handed Virgil some headphones before the fighting got too out of hand and tried to interject, but the boys were already too heated to listen.

“You son of a bitch! I have never met someone as narcissistic as you. I can’t believe you’d say something like that.”

“Don’t you fucking call me narcissistic! Have you ever heard yourself speak? Your ego is so inflated you’re at risk of it popping.”

“Oh, I’m  _sorry,_  Mr. Look-At-My-Twenty-Trophies. Didn’t realize that I couldn’t be happy about getting good grades!”

“I swear to god, Logan! You’re thicker than molasses.”

“Says you!”

“ _ENOUGH!_ ” Patton yelled, finally reaching his limit. “I will  _not_  allow two of my best friends to have a screaming match in this tiny metal deathtrap! You nearly caused Virgil a panic attack. Think about that for a second. How fucking mean do you have to be to completely disregard the well-being of one of your close friends just because you’re angry? I’m disappointed in you.”

_Disappointed._  Patton’s least favorite word, but he had to use it. Roman and Logan knew so much better, and yet they still acted recklessly.

“I’m sorry, Patton,” Logan mumbled, moving to park the car on the side of the street. It was obvious they’d be having a “talk.”

Both boys in the front looked meek and ashamed, which was a strange sight. Virgil gently pulled out his headphones, noticing the silence blanketing the car. Roman and Logan turned back in their seats and gave him sorry smiles. He just furrowed his brows in return.

“What the hell is happening between you guys? Just two days ago you were postcard best friends, and now you loathe each other with your entire existence? Is there something I’m missing here?” Virgil’s voice was becoming more rapid as he spoke, mirroring the rising anxiety he felt.

“It’s my fault!” Roman blurted. “I started it. It’s my fault.”

“What happened, Ro?” Patton coaxed softly.

“Yesterday at the park I… I snapped. I wasn’t angry at Logan, not really; I was more frustrated with myself because… because…” Roman buried his head in his hands. “Because I’m too afraid to tell Logan that I like him.”

Logan froze in his seat, staring wide-eyed. “Oh… I… Um, wow.”

“It’s stupid. I’m stupid. I just… Yeah. Forget it, Logan,” Roman mumbled.

“No! I was just going to say that I like  _you_.”

“Awwwww!” Patton squealed, though he quickly clamped his hands across his mouth. The two in front exchanged a look before bursting out laughing. It was just so  _Patton_.

“So are you guys gonna kiss or what?” Virgil asked lazily. Internally, he was cheering them on, but he didn’t want to push too hard. Pat lightly hit him on arm jokingly.

“I mean, if you want to, Roman.” Logan’s cheeks were dusted light pink, and he hadn’t really recovered from Ro’s confession.

“Are you kidding me? I’ve wanted to kiss you for years! Come here, you nerd.” Roman reached out and tugged on Logan’s tie, pulling him closer until finally they met in a soft kiss. It took all Patton had in him to not squeal at the adorable scene in front of him. It was just! So!  _Cute!_

Both Logan and Roman were bright pink when they pulled apart. Virgil probably would’ve laughed if he hadn’t worried about Roman murdering him.

* * *

After Logan dropped Virgil and Patton off, he began the ride to his and Roman’s neighborhood. It was… strange. Having what he had yearned for that suddenly was such an odd occurrence. It was fantastic, of course. Just different.

“I’m sorry for everything I said to you.” Roman rubbed at the back of his neck nervously.

“I accept your apology. And I do see where you were coming from regardless of how exaggerated your claims were. I can be extremely behind when it comes to feelings,” Logan waved him off. It was over and done. He didn’t really mind anymore.

“That doesn’t excuse that I said what I did. So, as repayment, I propose we go to the park and have a remake date. Tomorrow,” Roman suggested.

Logan nodded as he pulled into Roman’s driveway. “Satisfactory. Make sure Virgil and Patton know the plans.”

“Of course! Goodbye, my love!” Logan just rolled his eyes and watched Roman deeply bow.

“Bye, Roman.”


	17. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: nightmares
> 
> sorry for the short chapter!

“Mom! Mommommommommom! Moooooom!” Patton yelled as he sprinted through the halls to the kitchen. Virgil followed, but at a more leisurely pace. He laughed softly when he heard the sharp thud as Pat slipped and fell onto his butt.

When they had both entered the room, Mrs. Shea was already waiting for the news. “We did it!” Patton exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air with excitement.

“No way! That’s amazing! We need to celebrate ASAP—are Roman and Logan busy tonight?” It was obvious to Virgil now where Patton had gotten his excitability and gestures from; his mother was just as much of an open book with expressions.

“Not sure. Virgil can you text them?” Patton didn’t even look back for an answer, already knowing Virgil was sending a text. They all talked for the few minutes it took to get a response, recounting their harrowing tale.

“They’ll be here in ten minutes, apparently,” Virgil said, glossing over the ridiculously long response.

“Great. Is pizza good for dinner? I really don’t feel like—“ Patton and Virgil’s aggressive nods stopped Mrs. Shea in her tracks. “Alright. Pizza it is.”

Thirty minutes later, everyone was sat in the living room, a space Virgil had surprisingly never been in before, with their own box of pizza. Patton sat on the floor with Virgil’s head in his lap, absently playing with his boyfriend’s hair, and Logan and Roman were cuddled on the couch. Everyone had worn comfy clothes, even Logan, who had originally claimed that sweat pants and a T-shirt were unprofessional, but he’d make this singular exception.

“I’m so glad you guys finally stopped the pining and got your crap together!” Mrs. Shea laughed. Logan nearly choked on his slice of pizza. “What? You guys were hopelessly in love with each other but too ignorant to realize it. We all knew it.”

“Mom, a little subtlety never hurt,” Patton reprimanded, though he too was laughing at Logan’s response.

“I’m just glad you’re all happy.”

* * *

 

_**Opening Night of Cinderella Enchanted** _

_The curtains opened. No lights went on, no music played, and no costumes were on the actors. The booth was empty, save for Virgil in his Stage Manager chair. Although he was Head of Sound, he had other techies run the board._

_Roman stepped up to the front of the stage, stopping just before the opening for the pit, and an unimpressed expression spread across his face. It was antagonistic, seeping into every one of Virgil’s bones and chilling him. He opened his mouth to speak. “This is your fault, Vlad Plasmius! You didn’t do your_ job _. And now_ we _have to pay for it. Look at these disappointed audience members!” Roman gestured to the house, and hundreds of people filled the seats. Not a single one was empty._

_“No! I-I made all the preparations! I’ve been making sure everything is on schedule; we should be good to start striking the stage by Tuesday!” Virgil’s voice seemed dim to his ears, as if he were listening through water._

_“That time has come and gone, Virgil. It’s your._ Fault!” _Roman jumped into the pit, and Virgil tried to reach out to stop him, but found himself falling backwards instead. He screamed, but no sound came out._

_Then, suddenly, he was standing backstage. No—he was_ on _the stage. The actors surrounded him, reaching out their arms and tearing at his clothing. Sharp fingernails ripped into his clothes and skin._ Tearing, tearing, tearing! _Virgil bit back another scream as he felt blood start to ooze from his arms and legs and face._

* * *

 

“Virgil? Virgil, can you hear me?” Patton’s voice warbled in his mind, echoing in his ears.

“Wh-what happened?” Virgil hoarsely asked. He tried to sit up but was spontaneously hit by a wave of vertigo. His head hit the pillow softly as Patton continued to lean over him.

“I think you had a nightmare. I heard you screaming and came right away. God, I thought someone had broken in,” Patton mumbled. He ran a hand through his hair before standing up. “I’m going to grab you some water; don’t you dare move!”

Virgil obliged, laying completely still in his bed. It had all felt so real. Although he  _knew_  opening night was a few weeks away still, he couldn’t help but feel panicked by his dream. Everything was riding on him. What if he messed up? What if there was a disaster opening night, and they couldn’t go on? Oh, shit!

He swallowed his worry as soon as Patton slipped through the door again. Virgil plastered a weak smile onto his face and graciously accepted the glass of water. He took a few tiny sips before placing the cup on the nightstand. When Pat slid into the bed, Virgil just cuddled up to his boyfriend and let go of his anxiety.

He tried to, at least.

* * *

 

The four boys planned their make-up date for Friday. As soon as school was let out for the weekend, they piled into Logan’s car and drove to the diner. Emilia, perceptive as ever, was immediately able to see the newest relationship in their group.

“My, my! You boys are all just bundles of joy. I’m very proud of you.” Her smile shone like the fairy lights hanging off of the menu. Emilia was one of the most genuine people any of them had ever met, and it was an honor to gain her blessing.

“Thanks, Em! So, can we get the usual?” Roman pressed. He was hungry as per usual. The kid was like an endless void that constantly needed an energy source to stop it from whining incessantly.  _Incessantly._

“Of course.” A silence blanketed their table as Emilia went back to the kitchen. It wasn’t necessarily awkward, but it wasn’t free of tension, either.

“So,” Virgil started. “I got an email from my dad’s secretary today…”

“That doesn’t sound good,” Logan worried, gnawing lightly at the skin of his thumb. Without hesitation, Roman grabbed his boyfriend’s hands in his own to prevent any bloody messes.

“I mean, it’s not bad per se… but, uh… Here, just read the email.” Verge slid his phone to the center of the table.

> _To: vthomas@gmail.com_
> 
> _From: nathalieweber@thomasindustries.com_
> 
> _Subject: Daniel Thomas’ Will_
> 
> As of May 4, 2017, upon Daniel Thomas’ death, all of his possessions will be given to his distant daughter Lily Andrews. Virgil Thomas will no longer receive anything from his father. The updates to this will have been overseen by Judge Raleigh Burns.

The three boys stared at Virgil as soon as they’d finished reading. He averted his gaze and tangled his headphones in his hands.

“I guess I have a sister. I’ve never heard of her. I don’t even know where she lives!” Virgil gestured wildly for a moment before resting his head on the table in exasperation.

“Sweetheart, I know this situation with your dad is really stressful, but we’ve just gotta take it one step at a time. How about we worry about this tomorrow morning and enjoy our date for now?” Patton ran his hand gently down his significant other’s back.

“Yeah, okay. Let’s just have fun.”


	18. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get ready for a fluff fest! I guess this is a filler chapter but I really just wanted to talk about roman and logan's adorable backstory!!!

Their make-up date was almost a perfect mirror of Monday’s. Patton had dragged Virgil ahead once more, obviously wanting to show his boyfriend all of the wonderful parts of the park that they hadn’t been able to see before. Roman held hands with Logan this time as they wandered down the gravel path. The crunching stones added to the serenity of their surroundings.

“It’s really funny to think about how much has changed over these past few weeks. And all of it is due to this random kid who just showed up into our lives by accident!” Roman hummed, thinking of Virgil’s unexpected entrance. When Roman had first heard about the kid, he’d been apprehensive at best. He didn’t want a change in their steady group; he didn’t want a disruption. But now he couldn’t be happier for Virgil.

“It is quite amazing how large of an impact one person can have on others, I agree. Especially for someone who has had such a rough time in the past like Virgil has.” Logan’s voice was wistful and light. It had been difficult for the first two weeks, sure, but Virgil was worth it. He was kind and generous underneath his prickly façade. And Logan instantly knew how much Virgil meant to Patton. That made him even more special.

The conversation paused for a few minutes as they continued their walk. Ahead they heard the excited voice of Patton as he pointed out all of the places that bunnies liked to hang out and Virgil’s light laugh. It was happy and calm.

“I’m glad you thought I’d make a worthy friend all those years ago,” Roman muttered, clearly not expecting Logan to hear.

“I am, too.”

 

* * *

 

  _ **October, 2011**_

“Alright, class. Today we’re going to be starting a new project on the universe. You will be assigned a partner, and together you will choose a topic you are interested in to study and create a presentation on.” Mrs. Towler paced the front of the classroom as she began to read of names. “Adam and Isabella, and finally, Roman and Logan. The requirements for your project are…”

Logan tuned out his droning teacher and began to write a list of things he was interested in. Spaghettification and black holes, supernovas, planetary orbit, galaxy shape, and many more. He was so engrossed in his list that he jumped when someone tapped on his shoulder.

“Uh, hi. Sorry to scare you,” Roman started, sitting down in the desk next to Logan. “I see you already have a bunch of ideas. What do you want to do?”

Logan immediately began to spout off his thoughts, unable to contain himself. “I had an idea to do black holes and the process of spaghettification. Basically it’s when something gets thrown into a black hole, and this is really boring. I’m sorry. Here, just read my list.” The eleven year old handed the sheet of loose leaf to the other.

“No! This is extremely interesting; I’ve never heard spaghetti and black holes used in the same sentence!” Roman exclaimed, setting the paper on his desk without even looking at it.

_Um, okay?_

“Right, well, when something gets thrown into a black hole, it speeds up and becomes faster until eventually time just freezes it. As the object meets the event horizon, it will appear to the casual observer as though it is stuck in place indefinitely. That thing—are you listening to me?” Logan pauses and stared at his companion, who was typing away at his iPod Touch.

“Yeah, sorry, I’m trying to take notes. It’ll help me remember the information.” Roman’s fingers furiously tapped the screen, and Logan could see the words quickly appearing on his screen. He had incredible dexterity and accuracy, rarely ever having to go back and retype words.

 _Fascinating_. Logan hadn’t really taken much note of Roman before; he was an athlete, after all, and athletes weren’t exactly known to converse with “nerds” like Logan. But Roman seemed to be more than just a stereotypical athlete, which was quite intriguing.

“Okay. Back to spaghettification, then. The object in the black hole seems to be frozen to the outside, but is actually being stretched out into a single strand of atoms at an infinitely slow speed and, therefore, becoming “spaghetti.” It has slipped across the event horizon and doesn’t exist in either space or time. It just exists in… other, I guess.” Logan took a huge breath, having not realized that he’d rambled off that whole explanation without any breathing. Roman finished typing a few seconds later and slipped his iPod into his jeans pocket.

“That sounds awesome!” The bell rang, signifying the end of the class period. Roman stood up and grabbed his things, but not before scribbling a phone number onto Logan’s sheet. “That’s my landline. Call me if you want to work on the project tonight!”

Logan just stared at the number, wondering how he’d gotten so mixed up with Roman Patrick.

 

* * *

 

 “Do you mind if I sit here?”

Logan looked up, and, for some unknown reason, Roman was standing across the nearly empty table; his lunch tray bag swinging rhythmically in his hand. “Uh, sure?” He didn’t mean for it to sound like a question, but it did, and that’s how it was going to be.

“Sweet!” Roman plopped down on the bench and began to unpack his food. “Why do you sit alone?”

Ah, Logan should have expected such intrusive questions from an outgoing person such as Roman, yet it still caught him off guard. “Uh, I don’t have any friends?” It was true, but it didn’t bother Logan much. Not having people to talk to meant he could spend more time reading as he had been before Roman’s interruption.

“Am  _I_  not your friend?”

“No,” Logan answered simply. A mildly hurt expression tugged at the other boy’s features. Oh, he’d said something wrong, hadn’t he? Uh, oh, um—AH! “I mean, we only just met today. I don’t have much experience in ‘friends,’ but I do remember that they don’t happen instantaneously.”

Roman laughed at that, and Logan relaxed. “I suppose you’re right, Lo.” That caught him off guard, too: the nickname. He’d never had one before, unless you could include the ones his parents gave him as a child.

It was Logan’s turn to ask a question. “Why are you sitting over here? Surely you have far more impressive people to be talking to.”

Roman laughed again; it’s sound somewhat between the chime of bells and something deeper. “I’ll let you in on a little secret:” the boy leaned in ever so slightly, smiling over his lunch bag. “My ‘friends’ are incredibly boring. Could you believe it? Most of them could barely tell a noun from a verb, either, and that’s infuriating in its own right. What does a prince such as myself have to do to get interesting friends? Apparently get paired up with a very smart kid in science class who everyone underestimates.”

Logan blinked, trying to put the pieces together.  _He_ , Logan Christiansen, was  _interesting?_ That had to be a joke. Surely this was a prank. He’d only ever been called boring in the past. Or stuck up, prude, nerdy—the list goes on forever.

“Oh, did I upset you? I’m sorry; I’ll go if you want me to!” Roman rushed, noticing the too long pause.

“ _No!_  I was just trying to figure out what you were saying… You find me interesting?” Logan was more than skeptical at this point.

“Uh, duh? You could instantly spout off a bunch of knowledge about black holes and becoming  _spaghetti_ , dude. That’s freaking awesome!” A huge grin had spread across Roman’s face, complimented very nicely by his outlandish gestures.

“Well, black holes are very fascinating. I don’t see how that correlates with  _me_  being interesting, however.” He just knew the knowledge, but that didn’t mean it added to his personal appeal.

“You’re basically the Library of Alexandria in the form of a small human! Don’t you see how cool that is?” Roman was leaning ridiculously far forward, a doofy glimmer in his eyes.

“I… am not cold? Where would you get that idea?” Logan furrowed his brows.

Another one of Roman’s twinkling laughs exploded. “No, Logan! It’s an expression. It means, um… Cool is synonyms with good, awesome, or incredible.”

“Synonymous, Roman. But I think I understand.” He didn't, really, but he’d never admit that to this kid he barely knew.

Again, the bell for the end of the period rang, cutting off their conversation. Logan looked at his lunch and realized he’d eaten practically nothing, and he same seemed to be the case with Roman.

“Sorry for getting you so off task! See you later!” Roman said as he packed up his food and ran from the lunchroom.

Who even was this boy?

 

* * *

 

  _ **November, 2011**_

Their project had gone without a hitch. And Roman had contributed far more than any past project partners had, which was incredibly refreshing. He made he presentation beautiful, going so far as to include hand drawn illustrations of what they were trying to portray. A huge 100% was stamped at the top of their rubric. Success.

Strangely, though, Roman hadn’t deserted Logan in favor of other friends  ~~(Logan considered them friends now)~~. Logan didn’t really mind if he was being honest. He liked being able to discuss things with Roman, who was actually very knowledgeable himself. Sometimes they’d spend hours at each other’s houses reading books and trading off facts about random things.

And Logan finally had a friend.

 

* * *

 

  _ **Present**_

“God, I tried so hard to impress you during that project. I labored over those fucking drawings for  _hours_ , Logan. Hours! I never spend that long on something for a project.” Roman’s laugh reverberated slightly in the clearing. It had received more depth since when they’d first met, sounding more whole. And Logan loved it just as he loved everything else about Roman. His smile was blinding and genuine, his brown and purple hair curled into beautiful little waves, the way his amber eyes crinkled when he was excited about something.

Logan was lucky, and he knew it, to have such a wonderful boyfriend. He didn’t feel like he deserved it, but he appreciated every second of his relationship. He owed it all to a project about black holes and that one mysterious stranger that Patton had saved.


	19. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: none? I think? Except a breakup that is quickly resolved and some anxiety? AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS FORGOT ABOUT THAT!

Virgil didn’t remember exactly what had spurred this situation, but he was in it now. For god knows how long, he and Patton had been sat on the black bedspread, kissing. It wasn’t unpleasant, of course, but thoughts raced in Virgil’s mind. _Patton feels sexual attraction probably. How is he gonna react when I tell him I don’t want to have sex? Oh god, what if he hates me? What if he kicks me out? Or worse…_

Of course, Patton decided that it was the perfect moment to shift, placing his hand on Virgil’s thigh to lean even closer. _Nope! Nopity, nope! Nope, not happening!_ Virgil sprung back in a fit of anxiety, looking almost like a deer caught in headlights.

“Virgil? What’s wrong, kiddo?” Patton’s worried expression was too much for Vi’s intrusive thoughts and forced his brain into panic mode.

“I thought I could power through, but I can’t.” What was he even saying?

“You—What?”

“I can’t be with you!” Virgil blurted. That is not what he wanted to say. Did he just break up with Patton? He didn’t just break up with Patton…

“Okay…” Patton was hurt, that much was obvious, but he barely let it show. He simply stood up and walked to his own bedroom, closing the door behind him.

_Oh dear god, I just broke up with Patton._

* * *

Virgil stayed in his room basically all weekend. From that moment on Saturday morning to Monday, he only left to grab food or use the bathroom. And even then, he only did so after making sure Patton was tucked away in his room. He couldn’t face Patton with after… _that_.  
He kept that while avoiding thing up until Monday morning. He knew he’d have to get breakfast, or Mrs. Shea wouldn’t let him hear the end of it, so he went to the kitchen. Patton was already there, happily eating some scrambled eggs. Neither of them acknowledged the other’s presence.

Pat looked… happy. He didn’t seem upset at all, actually. Oh...

Virgil subconsciously tugged his sleeves farther down, covering up the white bandages on his arms completely. He hadn’t been able to stop himself; the deep red of his blood was the only thing that he knew to be true. He had ruined one of he only things in his life that made him happy after all. A thought flashed across his mind, deep and sinister, but it somehow brought him comfort.

Maybe this time he’d do it. Once and for all, Virgil Thomas would no longer exist. He had no family, and certainly he wouldn’t have any friends once Logan and Roman found out. There would be no Patton Shea to talk him off the ledge. Just climb over the rail and don’t look back. Then it’ll be over.

Verge nibbled idly at his plain toast until the fateful time came to leave. He swung his backpack over his shoulder and went out the front door. Logan’s car was already parked in the driveway. Roman and Logan were happily talking, occasionally stealing a quick kiss, and Virgil’s heart ached. He and Patton had been like that—carefree and happy—but Virgil had gone and fucked it all up. With a sigh, he slid into the car and took his seat, blocking out the world with his headphones.

* * *

Of course, the world could only be quiet for so long. As soon as Logan had parked, Patton raced out of the car and into school. The three remaining passengers stared at the odd behavior, and then all eyes turned to Virgil.

“You both are acting strangely. Did you hurt him? Because I swear if you did, I will murder you,” Roman growled, fire in his eyes.

_Shit. Shitshitshitshitshit!_

“W-What? No.” Virgil quickly escaped the confines of the car, but was almost immediately stopped by Logan.

“Virgil Thomas. We value Patton’s wellbeing more than almost anything else, so if you have hurt him, I suggest you ‘fess up soon, or it will be far worse for you.”

Fear was coursing through Virgil at ridiculous rates by this point. “I-I can explain!”

Roman had rounded the car from behind and death gripped Verge’s sleeve, pulling him into the school. They entered the nearest janitor’s closet and locked the door. “Spill, Virgil.”

“I really, _really_ messed up, okay?”

Roman looked unconvinced. “How so?”

“I…” How could Virgil explain this in a way that _didn’t_ paint him as the worst person on earth? “I’m asexual—Or at least something under that spectrum. And Patton was kissing me, and I was terrified that he’d try and make a move, which is stupid, I know, but everything was just so overwhelming, and then he put his hand on my thigh, and I lost it. I was afraid he’d hate me because I’d never want to have sex, and I just… I blurted out that we couldn’t be together.”

The full weight of his decision finally landed on his shoulders. He’d ruined something perfect for no other reason than his own selfishness. A partner was supposed to work to make the other happy no matter what, right? Failing that principle is what ended up spoiling every relationship he’d had.

“Virgil, you are literally the dumbest person I have ever met. And I know Logan,” Roman signed, his hand pressing firmly into his forehead. “Patton’s gray-a, dumbass. And even if he wasn’t, your sexuality isn’t going to stop him from loving you! Honestly, I expected you thought more of him than this.”

Oh, Virgil had _really_ fucked up.

“Stupid fucking anxiety god damn it all!” Virgil swore as he kicked the mop bucket. He was an idiot! Seriously, who was he to think that Patton, literal ray of sunshine, would hate him for being asexual.

“He should still be at his locker if you hurry, Virgil.” Verge moved to exit the closet when Roman caught his sleeve. Icy anger set hard in the teen’s eyes. “Fix this. Or I will make your life a living hell. I swear”

And with that, Virgil was off, sprinting to Pat’s locker to try and rectify his mistakes.

* * *

“Patton!” Virgil heaved as he reached the locker. Pat gave one glance to Virgil before hastily closing his locker and walking away. _Patton, I swear…_

It took only a few of Virgil’s long strides to catch up to Patton, and for the second time in twenty minutes, Virgil entered a janitor’s closet. Patton gave him an unimpressed look, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. It was almost hilariously obvious that he didn’t want to talk.

“Virgil, I’d appreciate if you let me go. I don’t want to be late to class,” Patton chided, reaching for the door handle, but Virgil was too fast. They had over fifteen minutes until the bell.

“Patton, please. I need to apologize,” Verge rushed, placing his body between Pat’s and the door. “I made a really stupid mistake on Saturday. I shouldn’t have been thinking the way I did because you’re an incredible person who would never do anything to hurt me, but I couldn’t get rid of the nagging feeling that you would if…” He trailed off, not entirely sure that he wanted to go there yet.

But Patton was determined to make him say it. “If _what_ , dearest?”

_That stung…_

“If you found out that I was on the asexual spectrum. And I know now that you’re there, too, and even then you wouldn’t hurt me because you’re good, but I was afraid, and then you put your hand on my thigh, and I was /terrified that you would want more, and I really do want to be with you, and—“

Virgil’s anxious rambling was cut off by an abrupt kiss from Patton. A muffled and surprised sound escaped Verge, but he quickly relaxed. A small smile graced Pat’s lips as he leaned back.

“I forgive you. Boyfriends?”

Virgil let out a sigh of relief. “Oh thank god! I thought you were going to totally reject me and kick me out—“

“Virgil, shut _up_!” Patton laughed.

Everything was good. It was fine. They were fine.

_They we’re together again_.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Spiral](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13052553) by [thestoryofme13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestoryofme13/pseuds/thestoryofme13)




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